Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Sexist, ageist, racist Obama


B is for Bigot.


dd elitist, too.

Even if you're the most qualified woman for the second-highest position on the Democra(cis)t Party ticket, it's Need-Not-Apply City™ for you. That's for white males only, baby.

Yeah, you've come a long way. Now go sit at the back of the campaign bus where B. "Hold on one second, sweetie" O'bigot feels you belong. And stop complaining about how He never called you.

Fair housing practices? Let's see:

"Does a guy (i.e., B. Hogwash O'boneheaded-move) who made more than $4 million last year, just got back from vacation on a private beach in Hawaii (i.e., wasn't 'public' at all when He was frolicking on it) and bought his own million-dollar mansion with the help of a convicted felon really want to get into a debate about houses?"

Not that Junior Freshman Senator O'Top-1% would know anything about "fair share" either:

Adjusted Gross Income $386,527 $4,139,965
Contributed to Charity27.3%5.8%
Adjusted Gross Income$338,809$983,826
Contributed to Charity28.6%6.1%

Or that He shares anything in common at all with honest working men and women:

"Does a guy (i.e., B. HowrichIam O'big-mansion) who worries about the price of arugula (i.e., 'upscale leafy vegetables' if you're 'bitter') and thinks regular people 'cling' to guns and religion in the face of economic hardship really want to have a debate about who's in touch with regular Americans?"

Now if you're a domestic terrorist, a racist preacher, or a convicted felon, Baracorrupt O'badmouth-America will gladly share a fairly large part of His life with you.

But if you're a highly qualified woman who even thinks about running for our second-highest office, He'll immediately pounce on you and tell all His bigoted, self-hating pals to call you "dangerous." (What. Does He feel you have "claws" or been "periodically [get it?] feeling down"?)

No wonder John "Who's Your Daddy?" Edwards endorsed Him. Or that B. Hateswomen O'sexist would describe this "man" who, it turns out, had been cheating on his cancer-stricken wife as "something special":

I (i.e., B. cHauvinism O'biden) decided that I would try to give you something special. I decided that on my first full day of campaigning in Michigan, I wouldn't be fooling around (ahem), that I wasn't going to just do the same old thing, but I decided that I was going to bring out one of the greatest leaders we have in the Democratic Party (i.e., John "Paternity Untested" Edwards).

Of course, if you're among the one-third of Americans older than He is (aka, one-half of all likely voters), on your birthday don't be surprised if He throws you a More of the Same Same Old, Same Old™ "party" bashing you. That ought to make your feel special, you "bitter religion-clinger."

But look on the bright side. At least you aren't among the newest Americans about to be born. Even if your mother's nearly done delivering you but you still have one toe wiggling inside her womb, B. Hopemya** O'bovemypaygrade won't bother saying you should get any human rights. Don't you know He feels a woman's choice to shop-vac her baby's unborn brains out always trumps his choice to smile and blink and coo? What are you, some kind of bitter life-clinger who chooses to punish his mother by living? Geesh. I don't care if your brains are lying in pieces inside a "clinic's" trash can, you need to think of others for a Change®.

Just be thrilled you never got old enough to be His V.P. pick only to be denied equal payback for equal work because, well, that's above His pay grade too.

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Thanks, Senator President McCain, for picking a governor to be our next vice president.

nd a very excellent and positive choice she is, too.

Oh, and happy birthday, President McCain. You lively devil.

Congratulations, Vice President Sarah Louise Heath Palin.


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Horrible Speech


Running down and accusing America. How awful we are!


here's the hope?

Did you feel uplifted? I didn't.

You blew it, Barry. Our nation has done more for herself and for the world than any other that ever existed has, and you blame us for not doing enough for either.

We've crushed al-Qaeda in Iraq, no thanks to you and your party blind followers.

The bottom one percent in America have more opportunities and more freedom and more hope than the upper class in most other countries. Yet your economy-crushing taxes and trade-destroying restrictions would ensure they both wind up with less.

We have the strongest and most resilient free market the human race has even seen. Yet you would command and control it until it weakens with practically no hope of recovery.

Since our founding as a nation, we've done more and progressed further in every realm of human endeavor than any other people have over any 200-year period in their history.

Technology, medicine, civil rights, strong but limited government, and more. The rest of the world has turned to us for the very best examples of how those are done. And the rest of the world will continue to do so, unless you get your way and impose on us the most mammoth government we've ever known — a government that interferes with and discourages and forcefully represses our self-determination, our initiative, our incentive to be innovative and do better.

As our nation's first president said, government is not reason. It is not eloquence. It is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.

Despite your assertions to the contrary, the smartest, most capable people in our nation are not government officials.

We don't need you or anyone else in government to tell us what to hope or how to change. Never have. We've always been smart enough to figure it out for ourselves without such "help."

What we need is for all of you to shut up for a change. Stop making speeches accusing us of being an awful people. Instead start listening to what we have to say and — I know this is the most difficult for you and your fellow fanatics to truly fathom — do what we tell you to do.

You and everyone else in government serve us, not the other way around.

But listening to your acceptance speech accusations and blame, it's clear now that's not a principle you know or ever even thought you knew.


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Obama Hates Free Speech


What a surprise.


lasphemy against Teh One is, according to said Teh One, a crime.

From Patterico's Pontifications:

The Politico reports Barack Obama has requested the Justice Department to begin a criminal investigation of the American Issues Project, its officers and directors, and its anonymous donors, presumably including its financier Harold Simmons (who was also a donor to the Swift Boat Vets), for airing negative ads about him.

Obama bin Biden apparently forgets that this isn't the old Soviet Union. Oblowhards like himself — excuse me... Himself™ — are public figures, subject at all times to scrutiny, criticism, and even ridicule by anyone who is neither connected with an official candidate's campaign nor, it should go without saying, one of His tankful worshipers in the (C/N/A/P)B(S/C/C/S). Husseinstream Obamedia.

Our Justice Department isn't meant to serve as Junior Freshman Senator Obama's personal KGB, arresting whoever exercises their constitutional right to free speech in a manner that doesn't somehow meet with His authoritarian approval.

It's clear that B. Husstalin Obamao-Zedong, like most dictators, doesn't want anyone asking questions about His corrupt past. So it's no surprise what prompted His purely Gestapo tactic of brutally silencing whoever does was this: "Why would Barack Obama be friends with (domestic terrorist Bill Ayers) who bombed the Capitol and is proud of it?"

Here's another question He'd no doubt order the arrest of anyone who dares ask it: Didn't Osama bin Laden also proudly want to bomb the Capitol?

Or this: Would less-than-one-term Senator Obama's domestic terrorist friend had done it using hijacked planes, rather than conventional explosives, if he'd thought of that first?

After all, to quote His BHOliness' domestic terrorist friend, "There's something about a good bomb."

Right now He can only request that our Justice Department illegally silence all His perceived enemies.

Just imagine what He'd do if voters were stupid enough to elect this megalomaniacal totalitarian our nation's president. Then He could simply order the Justice Department, publicly or in secret, to investigate, threaten, harass, prosecute, fine, and even imprison anyone and everyone who blasphemes Teh One.

Senator Obamarx feels it's all right now to crush our right to free speech. Why would a President Obamarx feel any different?

The only difference is that He'd have far greater power to crush it as president.

Update (8/26/08 6:39 PM)

Here's the exercise of every American's right to free speech which B. Hussein Obrownshirt wants our own government to unconstitutionally abridge:

Here's the fundamental provision in our Constitution denying every federal law enforcement agency any power to so abridge our freedom of speech:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Here's the exercise of every American's right to petition the government for a redress of grievances which Obama bin Biden would undoubtedly love to abridge too (M/M):

3000 K STREET, N.W., SUITE 500
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20007-5143
202.672.5300 TEL
202.672.5399 FAX

cmitchell@foley.com EMAIL



August 26, 2008

Mr. John C. Keeney, Esq.
Deputy Assistant Attorney General
Criminal Division
U.S. Department of Justice
Washington, D.C. 20350

Re:   Response to Letter to DOJ from Obama for America

Dear Mr. Keeney:

The undersigned serves as counsel to American Issues Project, Inc., a non-profit organization recognized as tax exempt under §501(c)(4) of the Internal Revenue Code ("AIP"). I am in receipt of an August 21, 2008 letter released to the media which was apparently sent to you from the general counsel to Obama for America campaign, Mr. Robert F. Bauer ("Obama Letter"). This is in response to the Obama Letter (which I have not received directly, but is has been furnished to me by representatives of the news media).

Let me be very clear: AIP is not in violation of any federal statute, regulation or other applicable law. This organization, its officers and directors and all those associated with it have taken great pains to comply with all provisions of law applicable to AIP's activities and programs and will continue to do so at all times in the future.

AIP is organized as a qualified nonprofit corporation as that term is defined in the regulations of the Federal Election Commission ("FEC") 11 C.F.R. §114.10. As such, AIP enjoys the protections of the provisions of the Supreme Court's decision more than twenty years ago in FEC v. Massachusetts Citizens for Life, Inc., 589 F. Supp. 646 (D. Mass. 1984), aff'd, 769 F.2d 13 (1st Cir. 1985), aff'd, 479 U.S. 238 (1986). The Supreme Court delineated the type of corporation which would be permitted to make independent expenditures under this ruling. "MCFL has three features essential to our holding that it may not constitutionally be bound by §441b's restriction on independent spending." These three criteria are as follows:

  • The organization must be formed "for the express purpose of promoting political ideas, and cannot engage in business activities. If political fundraising events are expressly denominated as requests for contributions that will be used for political purposes, including direct expenditures, these events cannot be considered business activities."

  • The organization must have "no shareholders or other persons affiliated so as to have a claim on its assets or earnings."

  • The organization must not have been established by a business corporation or a labor union, and must adopt a policy "not to accept contributions from such entities."
Website of the Federal Election Commission: http://www.fec.gov/law/litigation

AIP complies with each and every one of the provisions outlined by the Supreme Court in the MCFL case, as well as the regulations of the FEC promulgated subsequently.

Further, the majority of AIP's annual expenditures are not political expenditures but are devoted to grassroots lobbying and education on issues, public policies and other communications, activities and programs appropriate to a 501(c)(4) social welfare organization in accordance with all applicable provisions of the Internal Revenue Code.

With respect to the Obama Letter and its assertions related to the language on the AIP website requesting the occupation and employer information of donors to AIP, your department is no doubt aware that if/when AIP makes expenditures for communications or activities that are subject to disclosure to the Federal Election Commission, each of those require the disclosure of the employer/occupation of donors whose contributions are used for those activities and/or communications.

An independent expenditure as that term is defined by the FEC regulations (11 C.F.R. §§100.16, 100.22) requires disclosure of the expenditure to the FEC within certain time periods established by law on the FEC Form 5 (see 11 C.F.R. 109.10). The FEC Form 5 requires disclosure of the occupation and employer of any person who contributes to the independent expenditure. A copy of the FEC instructions and Form 5 are available on the FEC's website: www.fec.gov AIP filed its Form 5 on Tuesday, August 19, 2009 disclosing the required information, including the occupation and employer of the donor who contributed to the current AIP advertising.

Likewise, should AIP engage in 'electioneering communications' as that term is defined by 11 C.F.R. §100.29, AIP must file an FEC Form 9 within 24 hours of the communication. Again, the FEC form 9 requires disclosure of the employer/occupation information of any individual donor to the electioneering communication who is otherwise subject to public disclosure. See 11 C.F.R. §104.20. A copy of the FEC instructions and Form 9 are also available on the FEC website: www.fec.gov

A qualified nonprofit corporation such as AIP is not relieved of the obligation to obtain and disclose employer/occupation information for donors whose funds are used in independent expenditures or electioneering communications as those terms are defined by law. The request by AIP appearing on its website for such donor information is for the sole purpose of satisfying AIP's reporting responsibilities under the referenced regulations of the FEC.

Counsel for the Obama Campaign is undoubtedly fully knowledgeable of the reporting and compliance responsibilities of qualified nonprofit corporations, such as NARAL-Pro Choice America ("NARAL"), an organization that, ironically, also claims protection as an entity described in Massachusetts Citizens for Life v. FEC.

NARAL describes one of its primary program areas as the "politics, campaign and strategy program work(ing) to ensure the election of pro-choice candidates on the federal level. Using polling, voter identification, persuasion, and get-out-the-vote techniques, we work with campaigns, candidates, and our affiliates to identify, persuade and turn out prochoice voters in elections throughout the nation". NARAL reported spending more than $3 million on political activities related to federal elections in 2006, more than any other of its program areas, but presumably not a majority of its expenditures. See NARAL-PRO CHOICE AMERICA 2006 Form 990 tax return. Accessed on August 26, 2008, www.guidestar.org

AIP functions in exactly the same manner as NARAL and any other qualified nonprofit corporation. NARAL has made substantial independent expenditures in opposition to Sen. McCain's presidential candidacy during the 2008 election cycle and continuing through the present time. Yet, no objection to those expenditures has been raised by the Obama campaign. See www.fec.gov, Reports of independent expenditures by spender.

The accusations in the Obama Letter against AIP are wholly inaccurate. AIP has made and continues to make every effort to fully comply with all the laws and regulations governing its efforts to engage in protected First Amendment political speech and activities.

Finally, Sen. Obama's presidential campaign has now purchased paid television advertising directly related to the AIP advertising. Surely, the citizens of America are not in a situation in 2008 where a candidate for President of the United States is permitted to purchase paid advertising on a topic about which a citizens organization, following all applicable laws and regulations, is not allowed to sponsor advertising or if they do will find themselves subject to prosecution by your department.

Surely we have not come to a point where the government and its agencies are used to protect presidential candidates from citizens' speech, essentially destroying the very purpose, meaning and historical essence of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

Please contact me if you have further questions.


Cleta Mitchell

Cleta Mitchell, Esq.
Counsel, American Issues Project, Inc.


And here's where you can make a donation to the American Issues Project so, yes, B. Husstalin Obamao can make even more of an utter fool and complete ass of Himself trying to have you investigated!

Click the link, or mail to:

American Issues Project
301 West Platt Street
Suite #353
Tampa, Florida 33606

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Demoqrats' Convention Schedule Has Been Changed


To everything they hoped:

Monday, August 25
Theme: Done Nation

2:00 PM
"Hoisting United Nations Flag"
San Francisco Persons of Color Color Guard

2:10 PM
"Pledge of Allegiance (to the UN Flag)"
Jim McDermott

2:20 PM
"Invocation: God D*** America"
The Reverend Jeremiah Wright

2:30 PM
"Welcome Citizens of the World"
Howard Dean

2:45 PM
"Song: Kumbayah, My Gaia, Kumbayah"
Chicago Carbon-Neutral Chorus

2:55 PM
"Unveiling of the Convention's Official Windmill"
Anonymous Democrat Congressional Aide

3:00 PM
"Oil Literally Makes Me Sick"
Harry Reid

4:30 PM
"Our McCain Bills"
Russ Feingold, Ted Kennedy, Chuck Schumer, etc., etc.

6:45 PM
Organic Dinner
Kentucky Fricasseed Chicken, Flambé Green Tomatoes, French Boils

8:00 PM
"I Feel It Is Peace for Our Time"
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

9:00 PM
"Nationalize Everything Now!"
Maxine Waters

10:00 PM
"What Would Lenin Do?"
(Never mind. That was answered by the last speaker.)

Tuesday, August 26
Theme: Reneging America's Promise

3:00 PM
"Full Public Release of All My Military Records"
John Kerry

Canceled (again)

3:00 PM
"Future of Personal Transportation"
DNC Bicyclists Club

4:00 PM
"I Support Bombing Our Troops"
Bill Ayers

4:59:48 PM
"Sanctity of Marriage (long version)"
John Edwards

5:00 PM
"We're All Going To Die Tomorrow!1!!`@!"
Al Gore

6:00 PM
"Where No Congress Has Gone Before (aka Single Digits)"
Nancy Pelosi

6:45 PM
Very Organic Dinner
Blue Plate Surprise
(Hint: Just keep stabbing whatever's on it with your fork until everything stops squirming.)

8:00 PM
"You Knit T-shirts"
Hillary Rodham Clinton

9:00 PM
"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do for You; I Have A Dream; The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself; Etc."
Joe Biden

10:00 PM
"Tribute to Women in the Professions (Especially the Oldest)"
Eliot Spitzer

Wednesday, August 27
Theme: The More Government the Better

3:30 PM
"If It Feels Good, Do It (and Demand that Government Pay for It!)"
Party Platform Committee

4:00 PM
"Magic Show"
Alternative-Energy Policy Committee

4:30 PM
"America Is Eviler Than..."
Foreign Policy Committee

6:45 PM
(Dinner postponed due to Foreign Policy Committee still presenting its report)

7:30 PM
All-Local Organic Dinner
South Platte River-Netted Catfish, Mile High-Harvested Turnip Greens, Rocky Mountain-Raised Raisins, Denver-Broiled Doughnuts

8:30 PM
"Tanks for Everything, Barry"
Liberal Mainstream Media (but I repeat myself)

9:00 PM
"Kiss My Address"
Bill Clinton

10:00 PM
"Condom Demonstration"
Bill Clinton's Interns

Thursday, August 28
Theme: Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here, All...

4:00 PM
"Food or Fuel, That's Your Choice"
Big Farm

5:00 PM
"Shot-Down Fighter-Plane Riders Are Like Sooooo Unprepared and Stuff"
General Wesley Clark (retired retard)

6:45 PM
Miracle Organic Dinner
BHO Plate Special
(Five loaves of bread and two fish serving 5,000, with walked-on water turned into wine)

8:00 PM
"Gettin' Crowded Under Here"
Former Campaign-Bus Riders

9:00 PM
"Acceptance Speech: Hope, Change, and... Uh, Err, Uh— Hey! Who Unplugged My Teleprompter?"
Barack Obama

11:45 PM
"Benediction: There's A Whole Lotta White People Crying Now!"
Father Michael Pfleger

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Vice Plagiarist


Turn out the lights. The Demoqratiq Party's hopes of winning this election are over.


resident MqQain.

But until it becomes official next January, he'll be known here and likely everywhere else as Juan Shoo-in MqAmnesty III.

As for His BHOliness, selecting serial plagiarist Joe Biden, another hack do-nothing senator in Teh. Worst-Ever. Qongress.™, to be His running mate, shows more than anything else that He was never very serious about running any sort of viable general-election campaign.

Democratic presidential candidate Joseph [Blabbe]R[mouth]. Biden Jr., a U.S. senator from Delaware, was driven from the [1988 presidential] nomination battle after delivering, without attribution, passages from a speech by British Labor party leader Neil Kinnock. A barrage of subsidiary revelations by the press also contributed to Biden's withdrawal: a serious plagiarism incident involving Biden during his law school years; the senator's boastful exaggerations of his academic record at a New Hampshire campaign event; and the discovery of other quotations in Biden's speeches pilfered from past Democratic politicians.

Clean and articulate and bright, my carbon footprint.

The only thing left for the country to do now is start preparing for the coming RINOcalypse MqQlimateChange Qool-Aid®minstration.

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If Obamarx picks Hillosery for V.P....


The curse that befalls every sitting senator who's elected president — i.e., of dying in his first term — would be all but guaranteed to drop him, too, if he wins this November.


ot even the Secret Service's installment of an entire Food Tasters Division would be adequate to protect the Condemned-in-Chief™ then.

Arkancide-itis has struck down more than a few of "Her" Nibs' dearly duly departed associates who were far less in "her" way than His BHOliness would be.

But whereas Senators-cum-Presidents Harding and Kennedy died of natural causes and an assassin's bullets, respectively, the cause of President OdumbO's so-called untimely death may likely be ruled a "suicide" by whichever "special coroner" may likely be appointed by his successor to "investigate" it.

How touching Vice President-cum-President Hillosery Rotten al-Qlinton's first speech after "she"'s sworn in as the country's 45th president will be: "The depression, the anxiety, the worry which led our dear, late president to take his own life should be a wake-up call to all of us. First, that we need Universal Health Communism Care® to reach out to all of those suffering from any such mental illness; and, second, that we must universally condemn Republicans' mean-spiritedness which can be so completely responsible for any such well-intentioned statesman's suicide."

No doubt "she"'ll blame the resulting race riots on Republicans as well.

New presidential press secretary David Rot'ham Gurgen might even be tempted to say that the number-one "game changer" he suggested before the '08 election proved to be "a win-win situation" for "Her" Nibsjesty.

However, for the sake of accuracy, Mr. Gurgen should've called it "the Death Wish game changer."

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MqQain-Qlinton '08


Her Nibs' voters + What's left of MqBackstabber's = Election win!!1!!!ON!!E


ot only would this presidential ticket constitute the ultimate anti-Obama strategy, it would ultimately complete the unbroken pedigree of MqQain-Finkgold, MqQain-Lieber(al)man, MqQain-Qennedy, MqQain-Schmoozer, MqQain-ACLU, MqQain-$oros, MqQain-Edwarts, and MqQain-Just About Every Extremely Liberal Democommierat You Can Name.

Think of the campaign ad!

This election there's only one candidate

Who reaches across the aisle

Who works together with both Demoqrats and Re[INO]blican['t]s

Who wants to Close Gitmo
Give lawbreaking invaders Undocumented ["]Immigrants["] amnesty Love and Compassion
and Save Teh Planet too!

Who supports Gay Marriage Ceremonies

Who stands up to conservatives and Christians as often as his [Demoqrat] friends do


He's a Demoqrat
a Republiqan
an Independent
a Foreign-born Worker
(just like Undocumented ["]Immigrants["] are)
and a Pleaser of All Teh People All Teh Time
(excluding, of course, those unimportant Christians and conservatives)

I'm Juan MqQain and I approve of practically every Demoqrat message.

Think of seeing the following over and over on the campaign trail!

One of "My Dear Friends"

Think of the extremely glowing editorial in the New York Slimes!!1!

But most of all, think of Teh Cheeeeeeeeldrrun®.


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If Ninny Peloseri's 'rules' were baseball's...


(Every team would lose.)


artial list of what those rules would be were Madam Do-Nothing (besides take long vacations) Stinker of the House Pelooni baseball's instead of al-Qongress' dictator-in-chief:

If the other team is up at bat and you have a very weak pitcher, you can call time out until all that team's batters die of old age.

No batter may ever "drill a ball" to left, center, or right field, because any such drilling can only be considered a "hoax."

A pitcher may refuse to pitch to any batter who has a high batting average if that pitcher keeps shrieking, "I'm trying to save the planet! I'm trying to save the planet!"

If the other team's star pitcher took more than five minutes to strike out your batter, you can declare that your batter actually hit a home run because "longitude (time) is more fascinating than latitude (stars)."

More and more of the baseballs, gloves, bats, and other equipment your team uses must be manufactured in countries that either are worse polluters of the environment than yours or are aiding or harboring terrorists, or both.

No new baseball or glove may be made of anything other than "alternative leather"; nor any new baseballs' filler or stitching made of anything other than "alternative yarn" or "alternative cotton"; nor any new bat made of anything other than "alternative wood." Also, all such "alternative" leather, yarn, etc., must be heavily subsidized by American taxpayers.

To conserve cotton, the 108 double stitches on every older, regulation baseball must be reduced to 27.

To increase "runner efficiency," every batter who hits the ball must be able to make it to at least second base. Otherwise, the batter will be called out.

When the bases become loaded, the runner on third will be automatically called out. This is the Windfall Runners Tax® rule.

Your team is allowed to stretch out the Seventh Inning Stretch up to five weeks if over 90 percent of the stadium's paid attendees believe you're playing a lousy game or if you'd rather be off on tour somewhere selling your lousy book, or both.

If you promise the fans that their ticket prices will go down once you "take control" of the stadium, but not long after you do those prices instead go up 33 percent, you may blame every visiting team, ticket salesman, printer, turnstile operator, umpire, locker-room janitor, or anyone else (other than yourself, of course) for the higher ticket prices.

When the fans get wise and blame you for the extremely high ticket prices you've been forcing them to pay, you may threaten them and the team owners, too, by saying you're going to "nationalize baseball."

A "dugout" sounds too much like it involved some type of drilling. So from now on there's a moratorium on the construction of any new dugouts.

No batter can hit his way out of a slump. He must bunt his way out instead. (This rule "works" especially well after the umpire has ejected from the game all known facts.)

If you really feel it would take at least ten innings for the other team to score a run with its batters using bats, you may force that team to wait over thirty innings to see whether it could with just its bat boys using only unicorn horns.

Pitchers' wind ups can and will be harnessed to power all stadium lights.

Each league must be composed of only "hybrid teams" such that at least half the players on each are vegetarians.

No new rule may be added to the ones above unless it effective does one or more of the following: slows down the game to no more than a crawl, jacks up ticket prices until only the Top One Percent™ can afford them, aids and comforts one or more of the country's enemies, gets a large portion of the stadium's employees permanently laid off, replaces any or all team owners with government bureaucrats, causes massive corndog shortages at the concession stand, greatly increases the cost of equipment, impoverishes the players, enriches those mandating "alternative  (fill in the blank) ," or otherwise turns baseball into a nationalized pastime.

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What's that above Lenin's tomb?

Yes, the seal:

But who're those Communist Party leaders lined up on it?

(left to Left) Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry, Ticked "US Troops R Nazis" Turban, Baracomrade Huheruhhmn Obamarx, Scary Screed, Ninny Peloseri, HowTard Scream, T-boat al'Qennedy


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America Held Hostage - Day 11


While Demoqrat members of al-Qongress hold their knives to our throats....


o doubt our Demoqrat masters find sadistic pleasure in torturing us with high gas prices, as they do nothing but sit back and wait for more of our oil wells to dry up.

Shirker of the House Nutty Pelooni, meanwhile, is flying around in her carbon-polluting jet pimping her worthless book paper product — yeah, way to Save the Planet® there, Nut — because she couldn't care less about, you know, actually working to Save the Country™. Apparently for her, a womyn's work is always done except when it's only her self-serving self she's working for.

Now a Senate-member team of hostage negotiators is trying to bargain for America's release from her Demoqrat LiberalNation Front. This team is prepared to make us meet practically all her demands: Billions in taxpayers' money for her Sacred Solar Panels and Worshiped Windmill Farms; billions more for her Exalted Ethanol Fuels; subsidies and credits for her Holy Hybrid Cars; mandatory increases in her Consecrated CAFE Standards.

But it isn't enough for Teh Most Powerful Egotistical Womin in Amerika®. She still wants to be able to slit our economic throats too — to get us to agree to her own version of a Hizbollah Exchange™.

She gets everything she wants. We get a decomposed corpse.

So we go on paying that hundred$-a-year Pelousy Premium at the pump while we derive smaller cashflows from our paychecks and wait for the windbags in Washington to give a damn about anyone or anything other than themselves or their power.

Greedster of the House Pinheadi should title her next book, Know Our Power, A Message to America's Dopes (D.C.: al-Qongress Inq., 2008 1429).

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Demoqrat Congress hates Americans


What other explanation is there?


inny Peliesi promised two years ago she had a "plan" to lower gasoline prices For The Children®. Since then, gasoline has gone up over another buck a gallon. Good Plan™.

She's all in favor of putting our nation's children and other citizens at risk by siphoning off our wartime emergency reserves intended solely for our Troops' vehicles and generators. But she won't allow our own oil companies to drill inside our own territory for a supply hundreds of times larger than that mere thirty-day one. Good Plan™.

If we were similarly in need of water she'd no doubt tell our well diggers, "You already have 10 acres in Death Valley to look for water. Why do you need any more leases elsewhere to look for it?" Good Plan™.

On the other hand, if her goal is to increase the time her and Senate misleader Rarely Heed (We the People)'s Demoqrat plantations spend in Unpopularest. Qongress. Evah. territory, then she shouldn't be the least surprised when our top goal on November 4th becomes throw the bums who're so harming us out of it and replace them all with true representatives of the people. That is, a Good Plan™.

So what's her answer to our repeated petitions that Qongress immediately do something — anything — to lower extremely high gas prices? It's, "We abandon you to your fate, Americans. We're outta here! Mwhahahah wahahah!" (That and blame someone else for her own Do-Nothing Qongress®.)

Good Plan™.

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The only hold put on Jennifer Lee Ertman and Elizabeth Pena's executions


...was the amount of time it took an illegal-alien gang member to take his turn raping and torturing them to death.


f ever a remorseless monster needed killing, it was this one.

Illegally in our country since a very young monster, courtesy his illegal-alien "parents," he was no more a bona fide "Mexican national" than the Disney character pictured on Jennifer Lee Ertman's blood-soaked watch which he stole as a "trophy."

And thanks to the Houston government's sanctuary for illegal aliens, the monster was not deported when caught for weapons violations the year before he and his fellow gang rapists gruesomely tortured and murdered Jennifer Lee Ertman and Elizabeth Pena:


[The monster] was referred for a weapons charge as a juvenile in 1992. Later that same year, [the monster] was arrested and charged with the offense of carrying a weapon.

Thank the Lord Texas' very courageous and hard-working corrections officers won't have to in any way put their lives at risk housing and feeding this monster ever again.

Houston, you still have Jennifer Lee Ertman and Elizabeth Pena's blood on your "compassionate" hands. And Officer Rodney Johnson's blood. And Tenisha Williams and her husband S.J. Williams and son Xavier Brown's blood. And Officer Gary Gryder's blood. And Roxana Capulin and Maria Moreno Rangel and Esmerelda Alvarado and Laura Ayala's blood. And Deputy Craig W. Miller's blood. And Israel Jevara and Israel Alvarado's blood. And Larry Wayne Billot's blood. And Tina Davila's blood. And....

Their murders, for all practical purposes, have been aided and abetted by the grossly irresponsible businesses you patronize and officials you elect.

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What else are we supposed to be addicted to, OdumbO?


your "alternative fuels"?


e need to break our addiction to oil."


You might as well say we need to break our addiction to a strong, growing economy. Or to technological advances. Or to medical breakthroughs. Just try doing any of those without Evil Oil™.

Better yet, go ahead and tell us we don't need to be addicted to that High Standard of Living thing. I mean, who do we think we are?!

How about this: You lead by example. Swear off all oil of any kind, shape, manner, or form which touches your life for just One. Single. Day.

One Day. That's all.

You yourself can break your addiction to oil for that long, can't you?

No petroleum products whatsoever. No quit-smoking pills that have a petroleum base. No oily cosmetics that make you look pretty in front of the cameras. No food that was harvested by a tractor or delivered by a truck or oil-lubricated train. No leather belts that were manufactured in a factory. No washing with any soap that was packaged inside a paper box. No electricity produced by any sort of turbine. No clothes containing machine-loomed threads. No computers, cell phones, or watches that run off batteries. And certainly no rides in any cars that use gasoline or grease.

Just. One. Day.

Come on, O'idiot. All you have to do is say, "Yes, I can" live totally without any oil, say, next Thursday. Show us how it's done, you pusillanimous quisling of Big Green Watermelon.

Show us your existential use of "alternative fuels" only. What? They don't exist? It's going to take "another seven ten (more like fifty) years for any of them to come online"? But that shouldn't matter. We don't need to drill for anymore yucky oil (not anywhere we have a greater chance of finding it at home, that is) when all those Wonder Fuels® (whatever they may be) are right around the corner. Right?

While you're at it, stop exhaling any more dirty carbon dioxide from your lungs into our atmosphere, you filthy polluter. Do it For The Children. Yes, you can.


You know, I actually Hope (©19172007 Obamboozle) you're elected president because there exists no more effective weapon for at last wiping completely off the face of the earth the scourge of your party's liberalism communism that has for far too long held our great country back, than yourself — a weapon you bring ever so much closer to launching every time you open your insipid, vacuous mouth.

Now that would be a Change™ we all can believe in — and forever live with.

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Obambi, the former Supreme Soviet just called


...and it declared that you should be on the three-ruble bill:

Render Unto Obambi What's Obambi's...

(Click 3's, Obambi's seal, and his ciggy for source images.)

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MqQain, Oblahma pick VPs


Each other!


oint statement of the MqQain and Oblahma campaigns:

Our friends, this is indeed our time and our place for a change that, yes, we can believe in. A change that will usher in hope for future generations of citizens of the world everywhere.

We have been to the Middle East. We have been to Europe. We have been to South America and, of course, to North America. To Mexico, to Canada, and almost every state, city, town, and village in between.

Wherever we went, we have seen people working and living there. Good people. Hard working people. People of every kind, living together and working together for a better life for themselves, their families, and their communities. People from every walk of life who were following a dream of hope, of a future in which all people would have the promise of a brighter and more peaceful tomorrow. A tomorrow that promises a new world of law where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.

We have seen people worshiping in accordance with their own religious beliefs. We have seen them going to work everyday, to the farms, factories, marketplaces, and offices spread throughout their own lands. We have talked to ranchers and farmers, accountants and merchants, sales clerks and construction workers, company presidents and CEOs, and to local council members and prime ministers of nations. We have talked to single mothers in Illinois and day laborers in Arizona. We have seen their children going to school. We have also seen young men and women going to college, all pursuing their own individual dreams for the future.

We have seen all kinds of people in all kinds of places doing all kinds of things. But when we talked to each of them, no matter how different or diverse they are, we noticed all of them have one thing in common: Their desire for change.

People want change. They want it now. More than that, they hope that the people they elect to office this November will give it to them.

It is time to put the politics of the past behind us so, yes, we can have a new and better politics now and in the future. A politics that listens to people and talks to them and with them instead of talking at them. A politics that allows everyone, regardless of party, to work together to not only identify problems and challenges, but solve and meet them in a spirit of mutual cooperation instead of constant conflict. A spirit that will let us make America become a nation of hope once again.

It is in this spirit of cooperation that both of us have decided to put aside our differences of the past and to work together for those changes we need now for a much better tomorrow.

Therefore, each of us has chosen the other to be his running mate. That way everyone will have real hope that all of the changes they want will be addressed no matter who is elected president on Election Day.

We also will be campaigning together. And both of us will speak at each other's national party convention.

It will be a change that, yes, all Americans can believe in.

But most of all, a change that gives each and every one of us hope.

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