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Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium façade and take a glimpse of hell.

Mickey Moore walks into a Waffle House...

 

And he brought a bunch of friends radical extremist whacked-out liberals who tolerate him only because he's paying for all their waffles. (Thanks to Esoteric * Diatribe for the heads up.)


waffles
waffles
S
even plate fulls were not enough to satisfy MooreOn's craving for waffles. He bellowed at the waiter, "Moore. Waffles. Now!"

"He's not human," the waiter exclaimed to the cook. "Nothing short of a sus barbatus could consume that many waffles in one sitting."

"Sí," said the cook. "Mucho waffles. No bueno."

"You had enough waffles, there, Lurch?" the bearded baloon asked his table companion.

"Not on your obeseness-shortened life!" droned Hanoi John F'in al-Qerry. "Waffles and me, we go waaaaay back."

"Your little skinny friend...*stuff* *stuff*...sitting next to you...*stuff*...hasn't even touched...*stuff* *stuff* *stuff*...his waffles," Moo-Ore got out between bites. "What's wrong...*stuff*...with him?"

"Maybe he just doesn't like waffles the way we do," Long John Botoxface said.

"That's not true!" squealed Tommy Daschole. "Waffles are about the only thing on this planet I wouldn't ever dream of obstructing."

"Then you better eat up all your waffles or I'll have MooreVac there switch places with me."

"Nooooooooooo!"

Just then, Linda Ronstadt, who was sitting next to Moorky Mig, loudly cleared her throat. "I want to propose a toast. Since I believe no conservative likes waffles, and no fundamentalist Christian likes waffles, here's to waffles! May many waffles be eaten by the non-conservatives and non-fundamentalist Christians sitting here with us this day."

"Hear, hear!" everyone said. "Yay, waffles!" added Little Obstructionist Tommy.

"Are waffles the only thing we can eat?" asked Hideously Rotten al-Qlinton. "What else is on the menu besides waffles?" She tried to read the small print on the menu but couldn't:

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"If I didn't know any better, I'd say the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy was trying to rig our menus so we'd only order waffles," said Hilldabeast.

"You and your conspiracies. What is it with you?" asked Qetchup Qing. "Buying us free waffles was Mooreba the Kluts' idea. Now why don't you just be quiet and enjoy your waffles?"

Enjoy your own waffles, senator no-show, Her Nibs thought. Just wait till we get to the convention next week. Then you can ask me about conspiracies. Hmhmhmwahahahaha.

A few minutes later John Q'Erred Warts ran in. He rushed up to their table. "Am I late? Are there any more waffles left?"

"You're in luck," Mooran the Blubbarian said. "I just overheard the cook say they've diverted an entire convoy of trucks carrying nothing but waffles to this restaurant. Should be arriving any minute now with plenty moore waffles."

"Great," Qerry's Ward said as he combed his hair. "If they'd run out of waffles before I could order any, I'd have had to sue this place for pain and suffering caused by unjust denial of waffles."

Hanoi John laughed so hard at that, that he blew huge chunks of waffles all over Linda Ronstadt's coat.

"Hey, you stupid mashed potato head!" she yelled. "Watch where you're spitting those waffles. I just bought this outfit."

"Sorry," al-Qerry mumbled while munching down yet another mouthful of waffles.

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