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Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Three Feet of Global Warming Assault New York

 

Demoliars and their Stupid Voters™ hardest hit.


T

he last thing you want to be in an epic blizzard is a Global Warming® Climate Change® Climate Disruption® alarmist. Maybe the folks buried by it won't remember you proclaiming Teh End Of Snow! just last year, or you screaming but then retracting just days later how it was Teh Hottest Year On Record! After they dig themselves out, yes you can always tell them global warming causes climate to pause and create larger than normal snowflakes. Or something. Oh, and Science! And if any of them ask why it's so bitterly cold, just call them Deniers! That'll shut them up.

Because nothing must ever disrupt Teh Narrative™.



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Americans Only 38 Percent Sure NASA Useful Anymore

 

"We're all going to die tomorrow if we don't let government totally run all of our lives!!!111!11!!!ELEVENTYHUNDREDELEVENTY!!!11!!!!" –Noisome Alarmists and Statists Ad-nauseam


A

nd the story of the boobs who cried Warmest! continues...

Last week the left-media (I know, that's repetitive) went gaga over the "fact" that 2014 was "the hottest year on record." But now NASA, the source of the "hottest" claim, is saying that it is only 38 percent sure that the claim is true.

Too bad hyperbole can't be converted into rocket fuel. NASA could launch a million Saturn Vs with the amount it produces.



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Thought you said al-Qaeda is 'on the run,' Obama

 

"A group of core al Qaeda terrorists in Syria is planning mass casualty attacks against the West," Director General Parker said in a rare public speech at MI5 headquarters in London.


S

peaking of your innumerable, humongous lies, lying Øliar, our labor situation isn't anywhere near as good, nor global warming anywhere near as bad as you say they are.

No amount of low-paying McJobs is ever going to paper over the nearly 100 million working-age Americans — over half of them women — your jobs-killing policies have excluded from your Glorious Recovery™.

The number of women not in the labor force increased from 55,195,000 in November to 55,807,000 in December, an increase of 612,000.

The participation rate for women hit a record low for this year of 56.6 percent, which also matches the 56.6 percent seen in September 1988, a 26-year low.

Also, the planet Mars is experiencing far more global warming than we are.

Time to stop remarking about how unearthly cold it is outside because on Thursday, Mars was actually warmer than many parts of the U.S.

The daytime high in the red planet's Gale Crater, as recorded by NASA's curiosity Rover, was 17.6 degrees F — a whopping 11 degrees warmer than the 6-degree high in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Temperatures in fourteen states from Washington to Maine reported temperatures colder than Mars, as a brutal blast of Arctic air sweeps the country.

Were you Pinocchio, our astronauts could walk to that planet along your nose, then continue their journey out to Pluto.



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The Religion of Peace

 

"After we've murdered everybody we hate, we'll have peace."

Police put Paris shooting death toll at 12, including two police officers

PARIS (AP) – Masked gunmen shouting "Allahu akbar!" stormed the Paris offices of a satirical newspaper Wednesday, killing 12 people before escaping. It was France's deadliest terror attack in at least two decades.

O

f course, Der Fübar doesn't want any of his lackeys calling these islamofascist butchers "terrorists."



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The Audacity of Faith

 

"Now hiring: Fire Chief, City of Atlanta. (Christians need not apply.)"


W

hen Atanta's mayor fires a muslim city employee for writing a book in which he declares not only that he embraces islam and supports its condemnation of fornication and sodomy but that his top priority for the city is to "cultivate its culture for the glory of allah," no doubt the white liberofascist moonbats running "Better [sic] Georgia" will applaud that decision too — especially if that employee is black like Kelvin J. Cochran.

Meet the new Jim Crowers, same as the old Jim Crowers. Only this time their hatred and discrimination is aimed at any person of color who struggles to break free from the chains they feel entitled to tightly wrap around his or her thoughts as his or her self-appointed political masters.



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Democobblers

 

After losing men, whites, workers, and intelligent voters, who no longer believe their intentions are good, Demoliars haven't enough willfully stupid ones left on whom yes they can rely to help them finish paving our country's road superhighway to hell.


D

emocrook misleaders are very fond of giving conservatives electoral advice. It's about time we return the favor.

Liberal Utopia

The Interwebtubes

United States of America

The Dishonorable Lil' Debbie Whassername-Dummkopf

Office of the Chairlifeform

Democrat National-Socialist Commune

Washington, District of Crooks

Re: How Yes You Can Win the Next Election!

Dear Comrade Whassername-Dummkopf:

It appears your collective has hit a teeny tiny snag in its forward progress towards ushering in that extremely hellacious future you and your accomplices have planned for all of us. In the spirit of Teh Working-Together Mandate™ which you have interpreted to be the main result of our recent federal elections, please let me offer you, from the prospective of the epically winning side, what I intend to be some very good advice.

Yes we can all agree not even the American voter's alleged stupidity was anything you could count on and cynically exploit to make other than the most feeble-minded fall for your invented Republican "War" on Women (© 2014 Desperats) and similarly tangled weavings of the pathological false witness you incessantly bear against your political neighbor. Besides, how does that help promote our working-togetherness?

No, stopping such nonsense is the first change the American voter resoundingly said you need now.

Does this mean, however, you should do instead what many have suggested; i.e., try winning back the constituencies your abhorrently fascist antics have all but permanently and completely alienated? Nah. They would no more believe your greasy pandering than your slimy smears. After all, for generations you've been scurrilously defaming them as much as that elephant into whose arms you keep driving them.

As chairlifeform of our nation's only historically segregationist party, it is your responsibility to ensure its members never lose sight of that clearest and longest-held mission of the DNSC: Segregate and eventually enslave all Americans you hate. During the last two centuries, it was the Republican Party that kept you from completing the private-master leg of your collective's mission. Today, you're fifty years into its current, 200-year public-master leg. Don't allow Republicans to undermine that part of it too!

Men, whites, free markets and free thinkers. They're all your mortal enemies. Continue treating them as such. Of course, no one has to remind you about the importance of always trying your best to malign and marginalize them every chance you get. Working together with those who most represent them in the new Congress must, therefore, never entail more than reaching an agreement over how big the chains shackling them should be. Like the more docile, government-dependent slaves whose minds, bodies, souls and votes your plunderbund already wholly owns, their entire purpose in life, as far as you're concerned, is to serve its interests and its alone.

By now, even you probably gather I'm not recommending that you change what you've been doing all along. Only that you do much, much, much, much more of it. You might not think feel now, so soon after the earth-shattering defeat your collective duly suffered, that this is the correct course of action. But trust me, it is. You do realize your mammoth losses would've been far, far worse had you tried pandering to these enemies of yours instead of smearing them, don't you? Just compare it to your 2009 porkulus stimulus spending's unmitigated, across-the-board failure. Remember the excuses reasons you gave for it? That's right: it needed to include much, much, much, much more spending. Not only that, without the spending it did include, our country would've suffered the Greatest. Depression. Ever. rather than a mere Great Recession! So yes you can imagine the size of this snag you've hit had you lessened your smears, say, by half and allowed Republicans to end up winning twice as many federal and state elections. Hint: it wouldn't be teeny tiny.

In sum, all I am asking is give hate another chance — a better one than your collective gave it last November. Believe me, you'll marvel at how well it works.

Hope you find this electoral advice helpful.

Sincerely,



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'North Korea blowing up White House would be sickening. But...

 

Øbola's loving @SethRogen for insulting DPRK leadership only feeds tragic cycle." –David Assholerod


A

xelknob's response to the assassination of Asian and Hispanic police officers in Brooklyn by a lowlife reacting to his party comrades' malevolent, hate-filled rhetoric is equally warped:

Murder of NYC cops was sickening. But union's hit on @BilldeBlasio for addressing chasm between police & community only feeds tragic cycle.

Does this but-monkey not realize he just claimed everything preceding that word is less of a horror, threat, or outrage than whatever he's babbling on about afterwards?

Of course that was a rhetorical question.



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Memperorandum

 

"I'm not an emperor! I just rule arbitrarily like one." –Presityrant Øfascist


I

f this lying lawbreaking power-abusing liar weren't half-white, his own party would've been clamoring for his impeachment and conviction a long time ago.

Ours is supposed to be a nation of laws, not of mendacious despotic scumbags. The only thing protecting the top bag of scum polluting the office of president now is his skin color. Øbully and the First Fraudy know this and use it to frighten and silence anyone in the press or other party who might otherwise stand up and hold them accountable. The latter fears being called a racist by proven liars much more than being judged an absolute coward by future generations.

Negotiate with muslim terrorist leaders for release of terrorists in our custody and turncoats in theirs? Only hear crickets. Give overt aid and comfort to enemies of the United States? Their chirping grows louder. Send muslim terrorists back to the battlefield? It's hurting your ears now. Leave our Marines behind to rot in Mexican and Iranian prisons? No, they haven't stopped. That lack of sound means you're deaf.

We are allowing Barack Obama to get away with this because he is [half-]black. That's it, and that's all. To say if he were white he would have been impeached already is a non-sequitor; if he were white a man of his inexperience and radical background would never have been elected in the first place. America voted for him to prove they were not racist, and now we will let him destroy this government for the same reason.

"Nation of cowards," indeed.



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'Teh Book of Obama'

 

"In the beginning, lying Øliar lied... and it was not 'good'"


I

n Nashville, the lying Liar-in-Chief lied, "The good book says, don't throw stones in glass houses."

Which "good" book is that, Øliar? It's certainly not the Holy Bible. Perhaps Marx's Das Kapital or Mao's Little Red Book? Maybe even Mein Kampf? or the Koran? We know it isn't your healthcare-"reform" architect Jonathan Gruber's ØbamaCare for Dummies Stupid Democrat Voters, because that's one of the last things anybody exhibiting any real intelligence would consider "good." Oh, wait — we're talking about you, so you no doubt "think" feel that it is.

But don't worry. Your high priestesses at WaPo et al. are furiously scribbling apologia to protect you against this heretical mocking from us "strictly speaking" folk; just as they always do whenever you lyingly lie through your teeth open your mouth in public.

Who knew Joseph and Mary were illegal immigrants who snuck across international borders to receive executive amnesty from King Herod? Or is this another of those "if God won't act to change His word, I Teh Great & Powerful Øb will!"?

Verily, Øtyrant, the American people grow more and more weary of your monotonous hubris.



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