Liberal Utopia: Demoqrats' Convention Schedule Has Been Changed

Monday, August 25, 2008

Demoqrats' Convention Schedule Has Been Changed

To everything they hoped:

Monday, August 25
Theme: Done Nation

2:00 PM
"Hoisting United Nations Flag"
San Francisco Persons of Color Color Guard

2:10 PM
"Pledge of Allegiance (to the UN Flag)"
Jim McDermott

2:20 PM
"Invocation: God D*** America"
The Reverend Jeremiah Wright

2:30 PM
"Welcome Citizens of the World"
Howard Dean

2:45 PM
"Song: Kumbayah, My Gaia, Kumbayah"
Chicago Carbon-Neutral Chorus

2:55 PM
"Unveiling of the Convention's Official Windmill"
Anonymous Democrat Congressional Aide

3:00 PM
"Oil Literally Makes Me Sick"
Harry Reid

4:30 PM
"Our McCain Bills"
Russ Feingold, Ted Kennedy, Chuck Schumer, etc., etc.

6:45 PM
Organic Dinner
Kentucky Fricasseed Chicken, Flambé Green Tomatoes, French Boils

8:00 PM
"I Feel It Is Peace for Our Time"
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

9:00 PM
"Nationalize Everything Now!"
Maxine Waters

10:00 PM
"What Would Lenin Do?"
(Never mind. That was answered by the last speaker.)

Tuesday, August 26
Theme: Reneging America's Promise

3:00 PM
"Full Public Release of All My Military Records"
John Kerry
Canceled (again)

3:00 PM
"Future of Personal Transportation"
DNC Bicyclists Club

4:00 PM
"I Support Bombing Our Troops"
Bill Ayers

4:59:48 PM
"Sanctity of Marriage (long version)"
John Edwards

5:00 PM
"We're All Going To Die Tomorrow!1!!`@!"
Al Gore

6:00 PM
"Where No Congress Has Gone Before (aka Single Digits)"
Nancy Pelosi

6:45 PM
Very Organic Dinner
Blue Plate Surprise
(Hint: Just keep stabbing whatever's on it with your fork until everything stops squirming.)

8:00 PM
"You Knit T-shirts"
Hillary Rodham Clinton

9:00 PM
"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do for You; I Have A Dream; The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself; Etc."
Joe Biden

10:00 PM
"Tribute to Women in the Professions (Especially the Oldest)"
Eliot Spitzer

Wednesday, August 27
Theme: The More Government the Better

3:30 PM
"If It Feels Good, Do It (and Demand that Government Pay for It!)"
Party Platform Committee

4:00 PM
"Magic Show"
Alternative-Energy Policy Committee

4:30 PM
"America Is Eviler Than..."
Foreign Policy Committee

6:45 PM
(Dinner postponed due to Foreign Policy Committee still presenting its report)

7:30 PM
All-Local Organic Dinner
South Platte River-Netted Catfish, Mile High-Harvested Turnip Greens, Rocky Mountain-Raised Raisins, Denver-Broiled Doughnuts

8:30 PM
"Tanks for Everything, Barry"
Liberal Mainstream Media (but I repeat myself)

9:00 PM
"Kiss My Address"
Bill Clinton

10:00 PM
"Condom Demonstration"
Bill Clinton's Interns

Thursday, August 28
Theme: Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here, All...

4:00 PM
"Food or Fuel, That's Your Choice"
Big Farm

5:00 PM
"Shot-Down Fighter-Plane Riders Are Like Sooooo Unprepared and Stuff"
General Wesley Clark (~~retired~~ retard)

6:45 PM
Miracle Organic Dinner
BHO Plate Special
(Five loaves of bread and two fish serving 5,000, with walked-on water turned into wine)

8:00 PM
"Gettin' Crowded Under Here"
Former Campaign-Bus Riders

9:00 PM
"Acceptance Speech: Hope, Change, and... Uh, Err, Uh— Hey! Who Unplugged My Teleprompter?"
Barack Obama

11:45 PM
"Benediction: There's A Whole Lotta White People Crying Now!"
Father Michael Pfleger