Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Freedom Security and Affordable Arms Act


Unlike health care, access to arms is a universal right.


hanks to the U.S. Supreme Court, yes Congress can order the Internal Revenue Service to fine tax you if you refuse to purchase any good or service it thinks feels you must have. (Ain't dictatorial powers grand?)

Thus, under FSA2AA — nicknamed "UninfringedArms" — you either go to Firearms.gov or call 1-800-E1ATMOI and buy a government-approved bronze, silver, gold, or platinum plated gun through your state's firearms exchange. The bronze plated one is the cheapest. But it has a high, 5,500 rounds deductible. The platinum plated gun has a smaller ammunition deductible. But it's the most expensive.

If you cannot prove to the IRS that you had a firearm for at least 10 months in any given calendar year, yes you can and will be taxed. However, if your income is below four times the federal poverty level, you'll receive a means-tested subsidy when you buy a firearm.

On the off chance you still have a job in this alleged recovery, your employer must supply you with an adequate gun or else pay a hefty fine/tax/whatever. When you visit a gun shop (or gun show) for your firearms needs, the law requires the owner (or organizer) to follow certain guidelines, such as not providing you a scope if the government thinks feels you're not worthy enough to receive it. (Gotta bend that cost curve down, you know.)

Heady from the resounding success of these laws — collectivistly know as the Submit Else Relinquish Fearsome Doses Of Money (SERFDOM) Acts — Congress, in its infinite and infallible wisdom, thinks feels it has to pass even more of them... so that you can find out what is in them, or something. For examples,

Patriotism Protection and Affordable Flag Act
Buy an American-made American flag or pay a tax
Postal Protection and Affordable Mailbox Act
Buy a government-approved one or pay a tax
Disaster Preparedness and Affordable Stockpile Act
Buy a half-year's supply of food or pay a tax
Fashion Enhancement and Affordable Clothes Act
Buy designer clothing or pay a tax
Travel Encouragement and Affordable Vacation Act
Book a cruise or pay a tax
Salad Promotion and Affordable Arugula Act
Prove to the IRS you regularly eat it or pay a tax
Body Modification and Affordable Tattoo Act
Show the IRS your ink or pay a tax
Humankind Perpetuation and Affordable Children Act
Be a biological parent or pay a tax

Isn't it great to be living in an everything's free country? Thank Congress we're going to have so much affordable stuff now!

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