Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

A Victory for Our Country


And for all her law-respecting citizens, immigrants, and guests.


ast evening the United States Senate shelved a sick puppy of a bill — S. 1348, the Comprehensive Immigration Reform Act of 2007 Lawbreaking Invaders Begetting Eased Rules And Lowered Security (LIBERALS) Act of 2007 — that would've, had it become law with its many loopholes intact (TheCount), compounded the problems of out-of-control immigration at and inside our borders.

It was hard to imagine that the al-Qongress and "President Bush," even after taking into account how especially out of touch all of them are with Mr. & Mrs. America on this matter, could stitch together a veritable monster capable only of making those problems much worse than they already are. (If only we could require a touchback provision for Senators so they'll have to return home and actually listen to their constituents before trying to stab America in the back!) Yet somehow they succeeded.

Fortunately its flaws were so obvious and fatal they weren't able to unleash the thing. It never got the chance to turn against its maddenly irresponsible creators before roaming our countryside and wreaking nothing but havoc in its wake. Us mere peasants have been spared the horrors of pointless borders, rewarded lawbreaking, and another lingering dose of "unintended" consequences. For now.

The monster, albeit presently inanimate, is still lying on that slab in our politicians' ridiculously overfunded laboratory, rigged up for the next Congress storm to hit and deliver what they hope will be a lucky lightning bolt straight into its hideous conglomeration of rigor mortised flesh so they can at long last proclaim — all the while laughing maniacally (at us, mainly) — "It's alive. It's alive!"

Congress is the only place where such lightning strikes over and over again with utter predictability.

In the meanwhile, we should padlock their lab and tell them they can't go back in there until they finish at least the 854 miles of necessary fencing they promised all of us that they'd build. It's already authorized. We're waiting on al-Qongress to pony up the funds so "President Bush" can give the order to begin the only proven reform measure guaranteed to work.

Moreover, if President Eisenhower could mobilize our government to move 13 million pounds of materiel all the way up to the Canadian Arctic and construct a continent-spanning DEW line of 58 operational radar sites all within three and a half years after the bill authorizing that monumental effort became law, "President Bush" should be able to just as quickly mobilize our government to build double-layer fencing completely across both our southern and our northern borders.

We should remind the al-Qongress and "President Bush" of that fact, right after we remind them that our nation is still at war with an enemy who used and is still trying to use our still neglectfully porous borders to attack us here.

It's what we simple peasants refer to as "the utmost priority."

So by the time ol' Frankamnestein is ready for a third jolt in 2009, that entire fence should be gleaming tall in the sunshine, fully capable of completely cutting off any path to destructiveness like those purposefully cleared or intentionally left open for the monster by the shelved bill. Unless, of course, "President Bush" shows he "doesn't want to do what's right for America" by, say, trying to strong-arm enough Senate Republicans into helping provide the 60 votes liberals need to "reconsider" immediately powering back up their laboratory equipment.

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