Then open your hearts and wallets and stand by for this very important announcement:
ou may have seen some "news reports" showing G--e flying around the world in personal jets that "guzzle" a "lot of fuel" or living in really "big" homes that use more electricity than "your average small-sized American town." These so called reports may have left you feeling G--e is nothing but a greedy hippercrit.
But there wrong!
Yes. Read that again. There wrong. R-O-N-G. Wrong! (We left the "W" out on purpous because we want you to no who's really behind these "reports." We didn't leave it out because were dum.)
Now you no. G--e doesn't fly around in jets anymore and He doesn't live in big homes that still use so much electricity. He's an enviromentelest. Thru & thru. Nothing hippercritacle about Him. Why, He's trying the save the world, for the love of G--e!
Anyway, we no you don't beleave those silly reports. You no there writen by nothing but Faux News Repugorters who hate G--e. Yes, hate. They hate Him because He tried to stop "W" from steeling the electon. They don't want to moveon because there to busy hating Him. And there racists.
But G--e is not a racist. He cares about people. All of them. He wants to help them. But most of all He wants to help you.
Thats right. You. He cares about you personally. And He wants to save you. Don't you want to be saved? Of coarse you do.
Since your inteligant and smart, we don't have to tell you our poor Earth has got a fever. It's heating up even now! Just go outside tommorrow and walk around. You can just feel it, can't you? You probally allready no why its heating up to. Thats right. The ones who are really greedy and who don't care about you are dumping polutents in the very air we breath! There choking us all. But they don't care. Not about you. Not about anyone. They just want to make alot of money and spend it on themselves. Talk about hippercrits!
Now you may be wandering "what do I have to do to let G--e save me?" It's really very easy. All you have to do is beleave in Him and trust that He'll help you. He'll instently come into your heart and you'll no that you've been saved. You'll be a changed person!
Speaking of change, you probally allready figured out that its going to take alot of money for G--e to save people. There are lots of them out there like you just waiting to be saved. You want them to be saved to, don't you? Of coarse you do. You wouldn't want just yourself to be saved would you? You no that would be selfish. And you don't want to be like those greedy hippercrits who just go around spending money on no one but themselves. You'd never want to exclude anyone like that because that would make you a racist.
So don't be a racist. Send G--e at least a $100 now so He can start saving people. Just like He saved you. You'll be glad you did.
Not only that but it'll give you a warm feeling inside because you'll no that your helping G--e help others. Thats where all the warming should be. Not on the outside where it destroys our poor Earth and makes people feel bad. But on the inside where it makes people feel good.
But G--e has to litterly fight to help others. Thats right. Fight! He has to fight the very same ones who tried to stop Him before. There trying to stop Him now from helping people, including people of color. Because they hate G--e and they hate people of color. And you no why they hate Him and them? Right. There racists.
So help G--e fight the racists and save people. Like He saved you.
He's even started a new orginization to help Him orginize His fight. Its called the "Fight Against Climatic Temperatures Leaving Earth Scorched and Sizzling" orginization. But we just call it FACTLESS for short. You can join it to! Membership is only $100 (or $200 if you haven't given G--e that first $100 yet to help Him start saving people). Once you join you can get a grate T shirt that says "I'm with G--e & FACTLESS"! Its only $50 (+shipping & handeling).
You can where that T shirt with pride because you no you'll be helping G--e buy energy ephicent jets and homes so Faux News can't say anymore hateful things about Him like they did in there lying "reports."
FACTLESS will help you out when you need to argue with selfish people or racists about why there destroying our planet. We plan to start a web sight soon so you can log on and get news, alerts, protest scedules, and more from fellow FACTLESS activists. You can read thru the FACTLESS archive in case you mist some important peace of information. Registering will only be $25 a month for people saved by G--e who sign up for a year. But get in quick! This offer won't be around after our web sight opens.
As a FACTLESS activist you'll be helping G--e get the message out so everyone can here it. If your among the first 500 to join, you can also get a patch to sow on your
jacket parka which you can show G--e the next time He comes to your city to sine copies of His books! (We have those availibal for you to order so you'll be prepaired when He visits.)
That patch is grate. It says "G--e saves" above a foto of our poor Earth. Below it says "and I'm helping Him!" We offer another patch with the FACTLESS logo on it which you'll like. Both are only $75 each (+sh).
All this can be yours if you let G--e save you.
(Just don't forget to add sells tax if you live in TN.)
Inspired by Dennis The Peasant.
Labels: g'liberal warming, humor
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