Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

The only triggers worth more than a plugged nickel...


are those on firearms and the one at 3950 Green Mountain Drive, Branson, Missouri.


hen the current president of the United States of America (USA) and the president emeritus of Maritime Automobile & Royalty Yachtsmen, Jeroboam Order (MARYJO) both say something is a Good Thing, it raises more red flags than Railly Nonka and the Chocolate City could ever wip out before being struck by a Cat-5 hurricane.

It's not that I distrust everything the T-boat commander says or supports. I believe he was sincere when he came out in favor of "strongly oppos(ing) an environmentally friendly 'wind farm' off the coast of Massachusetts." It's just that on matters affecting in any way our nation's security, the words of a major former-Soviet Union aider and comforter in our Congress, an honorary full-buzzard colonel in the armed forces of al-Qaeda in Iraq "George Bush's Vietnam," a five-star general in the Lushes' Legion of Literal Ladykillers, and the commander-in-chief of Harvard's Spanish Cheaters & Rugby Fistfighters Club, are ones I wouldn't trust farther than even Joe Altas could throw just half of that grotesquely gross mass of 34.2 Body Mass Indexed corruption.

Nothing could be more obviously critical to our nation's security than ensuring that America's enemies are denied even the tiniest loophole in our immigration "laws" through which they may enter and set up sleeper cells in our country. Given that the corpulence of the loophole al-Qennedy recently supported was so excessive even he could jump roll right left through it with more space to spare than the one fully separating his ears, those red flags raised by his support of the New Immigration Deal™ are flapping faster than any assailed by maximum sustained winds of the strongest category five.

Stabbing our president in the back after offering him such "support" has been another unhealthy hobby of the sinuous senator from Massoqueeretts. From the No Child Left Behind Act to our Troops' vital and historic mission in Iraq, the captain of the AKVP Kopechne has already tried to launch his treacherous torpedoes into the side of our ship of state, just so he can sink the person now at her helm. Anyone who believes we won't see more of them skimming the water toward this latest deal Pact with the Devilqrats, should get off the phone with his real estate agent trying to buy that choice seafront property along Arizona's sunny southern shoreline, long enough to read the deal's details. Hopefully before Qarsub Qennedy, who's lurking off that coastline, starts screaming "fire one! fire two!...."

As for the triggers, the first things we need to know are whether the National Guardsmen patrolling "our" border are themselves going to have full authority to confront and detain every border-crossing invader they encounter — as opposed to just calling in sightings of any to someone else — and whether our current and additional Border Patrol agents won't be imprisoned should they have the unmitigated gall of performing their sworn duties there? If not, the value of this deal relative to plugged nickels is about to hit an all-time low.

So call (202) 224-3121 and tell the U.S. Capitol operator, "I'd like to talk to Senator Sellout (or Representative Renege)" — or click here to get his or her direct phone/FAX number. Then let that employee of yours know what you want him or her to do.

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