Model derived without needing megabucks in government grants:
've figured out what climate change is and how to solve it.
Everyone knows what sofa change is. That's those coins that keep falling out of everyone's pockets when they're sitting on the sofa and wind up in between the cushions. Later on, usually towards the end of the week, someone lifts up those cushions to see if any's there. If he finds some he puts the change in his pocket, where it's then known as pocket change.
Pocket change is great. Unless you've got a hole in your pocket. In that case it'll drop out and go straight down your pants leg. If you're very, very lucky it falls into your shoe, so at the end of the day you can get it back. But that never ever happens. The change just ends up on the floor. Except change usually waits until you go outside before falling out of any holes in your pocket. (There's probably a scientific explanation why it does that, but that's not important here.)
The important thing is is that if you find any change between the cushions and you put it in a pocket that has a hole, it's going to wind up outside on the ground. Usually getting lost somewhere in the grass, and never on the driveway right there in plain sight like it ought. That means the change is going to sit out there for days if not weeks on end, all the while being exposed to all the worst elements of your climate, until your lawn mower rolls over it and kicks it out, usually straight into something or someone you wish it oughtn't have. But that's a different story.
What matters is that the change that's sitting outside in the harsh climate all because of that hole in your pocket has now become climate change.
So if you don't want any climate change out there, you better make sure you first sew up any holes that're in your pockets.
That's how you solve the problem of climate change.
Now I know what you're thinking. What about that "tipping point" that you've heard so many scientists talking so hotly about so much lately? I'm guessing you heard one of them saying we'll reach "a tipping point" soon if we don't do something to stop climate change right now; and that's got you all worried about something falling on top of your home and crashing in your roof right down on top of your and all your family's heads!
Except what they're saying doesn't make sense.
I don't see how climate change can help anyone reach any tipping point. Let's say you go into a restaurant and get really great service. Of course you'll want to leave a nice big tip for the waiter. Luckily you remember that right before you left for the restaurant, you found in between the cushions a bunch of sofa change and put it in your pocket. So you shouldn't have any problem paying that tip with your new pocket change. But because you have a hole in your pocket it's out there in the grass, right where it'd dropped out of you pants leg.
You quickly figure out that it's no longer "pocket change" but is now lying around somewhere outside as so much useless "climate change." The waiter mumbles under his breath you're a big fat cheapskate because even his wonderful service couldn't make you quite reach the tipping point. You're sad. He's sad. Whoever gets bipped in the arm by some of that climate change next time anyone mows your lawn is going to be really sad.
Now if you'd sewn up your pocket before putting that change in it, you'd have had enough pocket change to reach that tipping point.
Instead it's climate change. Which means there won't be any tipping point.
So you see, the only way you can reach "a tipping point" is if you have some pocket change, not climate change. Even if someone else finds the climate change and puts it in his pocket, he won't have it later to reach a tipping point should that pocket have a hole in it too.
Neither he nor you will have any pocket change until one of you first sews up either of those holes.
Labels: g'liberal warming, humor
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