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Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Happy Blogiversary, IMAO

 

In honor of International Link to IMAO Day—not to mention keeping the utopia underided and heckleless—LU proudly picks (by acclamation) its favorite Frank J. post.


U
topias are funny things. If everyone lived in them, no one could tell whether they actually were utopias or not. There must be at least one nonutopia out there someplace which folks can use as a point of reference before anyone can say, "Boy, I'm sure glad I live in this utopia rather than some nonutopia like that one over there. It'd be terrible if the latter were true. We have it infinitely better here than those people there." Otherwise, folks wouldn't know how well off they are and would wind up complaining about how awful it is living in their utopia. Then it wouldn't be a utopia anymore, because in a utopia no one ever complains about anything.

Hence, it is the duty of every utopianite to seek out and ridicule whatever real or imagined flaws he-she-other might find in any nonutopianites in order to justify his-her-other lefteous conviction that he-she-other is truly living in a utopia. That's why it's always useful to have such inferior beings around, albeit not too close. You wouldn't want them invading your utopia and ruining it for everyone.

Fortunately, there are many people—indeed, hordes of them—who don't live in any utopias at all, and in most cases don't even want to (can you imagine!). They are so jealous of the ones who do that they not only accuse utopianites of all manner of evils under the sun (doesn't matter how many tons of facts, hard evidence, and logic they have supporting these; the fact they're accusing anyone of anything is proof enough they aren't living in a utopia, so hah!) but even hate (yes, hate!) the mild, if grooming-challenged folk inhabiting such enviably superior lands and states of mind.

Need more proof? Why just look at this post by nonutopianite Frank J. (who hates monkeys, too, by the way—creatures which would be loved, trusted, and admired by everyone in a real utopia) on his nonutopianish IMAO. It's appalling (although admittedly quite funny) that such hatred even for the sus barbatus exists anywhere, much less right out in the open where all can see it, causing them to spit their coffee out through their noses or onto their computer screens. In a pure utopia, no screen anywhere would ever be sprayed with coffee like that.

Just take comfort in the knowledge that few can match his ability to increase people's demand for large bottles of Windex®, or that without Web logs like his this utopia would've likely never came into being.

So happy 2nd blogiversary, Frank J! Speaking on behalf of all utopianites everywhere, here's wishing you many, many more.

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