Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Roast Beast


Hippary Rotten al-Qlinton, introducing and practically salivating over the man who said our country has killed more innocent people during this World War than the mass-murdering terrorists purposefully had on that Day of Infamy which started it (DOC-file transcript):

Good morning. My goodness, there is -- thank you.

he had to wait until the chants of "Hildy! Hildy! Hildy!" and shouts "We're your total slaves, Hillary!" died down in her head.

Good morning, and welcome to America's Future, but you're helping to make the kind of future that we need and deserve to have.

Translation: Absolute socialistic dictatorship headed by Her Nibs herself.

I have known Reverend Forbes for 25 years, I've never seen him so filled with the spirit and energy that we saw this morning, and it's because he does have a prophetic vision, and he does understand what made this country great, and he realizes that we must take our country back in November through the electoral process on behalf of our democracy. (Applause [Incomprehensible howling].)

Hildabeast is referring here, of course, to the "prophetic vision" (DOC file) that "America has not felt at home a lot lately with the widening gap between the rich and the poor, with the new spirit of dominionism [sic] taking over in the name of God, America doesn't quite feel the same. The redevelopment of class preference, and the ignoring of the poor, or the kind of abandonment of the spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness, a growing spirit that serves the few and abandons the common good, America has not quite been feeling like herself, or itself, if the feminist critique would require me not to always use her in a negativity, using she."

Or the "understanding" that "Normally, to come here one might be urged to mute the religious dynamic as a way of being respected in a group of progressives. In fact, there are polls that increasingly tell us that those of us in here have probably not been to church in a long time."

Even the "realization" undoubtedly shared by all in that room that "There are those who are now in a matter of what I call prostituted patriotism. Prostitution -- (Applause [Yummy sounds].) Prostitution, I call it, when you have a relationship with somebody, even have meaningful passionate relationships, but you don't know them, you don't care about them, and you are not willing the best for them, because you are in it for what you can get out of it yourself." Just using examples to which liberals can thoroughly relate: prostitution and all-consuming self-interest.

"Take our country back." Like liberals alone "own America," but someone stole the country from her its rightful leftful owners. (The work of vast right-wing conspirators, they probably "think.") If you believe that "our," in their minds, includes the overwhelming majority of Americans whose votes have justifiably reduced liberals to out-of-power Gorebot howler monkeys, then I have a life-size poster of Hilldabeast in a buttfloss-bottom bikini that I want to sell you. (Sorry, no C.O.D.'s—nor any returns for permanent mental anguish.)

You know, when I first got to the United States Senate about three-and-a-half years ago,

New York rose to second place among the states Americans would most like to see immediately secede from the Union. (California's still asking for a recount on that one.)

...and saw that the Bush administration wanted to undo everything that the Clinton administration had done,

It's called a mandate. Getting rid of every last vestige of your and your husband's piggyback-to-power spouse's co-presidency—from the eleventh-hour regulations trying to turn all federal lands into picnics-only national parks, all the way down to those unsightly stains on the White House's carpets—is something most Americans wanted to see done ASAP. Else a majority of them wouldn't have voted for Anyone But Gore.

...I admit I took that kind of personally.

How dare they do that to my...er, our...er, his presidency!

But, then I realized it wasn't personal at all. They wanted to undo all the way back to Franklin Roosevelt,

After all, Eleanor Roosevelt told her that, so it must be true.

...all the way back to Teddy Roosevelt, they were heading to the robber barons of the late 19th Century, and everything we've seen since proves it.

Except this time the entire South went willingly and joyfully to them, singing very happy, happy songs, all the while purging from their midst those two robber barons carpetbaggers from Arkansas and Tennessee (the home states of Qlinton and Gorebot, respectively, neither of which the 'Bot won).

You should take it personally. In fact, we insist that you do.

You know, in a time like this, it is not only those of us in elected office who must speak out and stand up, it is even more important that citizens do that.

Agreed. If more of them in New York had done so, you yourself wouldn't be using phrases like "those of us in elected office."

We have an opportunity in the next months to put together not just a winning campaign, but a movement,

Just like we had throughout the '60s, man! We can protest against The Establishment™, man, and against The Man®, man, and against The Draft, too! We can dunk ourselves in patchouli oil and wear daisies in our hair again, man. Beads and sandals and fringed jackets and psychedelic pants and drugs and VW vans were all groovy, man! Man, it'd be a great movement, man. A like totally transcendental movement, man. We can riot outside the Boston Convention also, man, like we did during the last movement. Whaddaya want? Free Hoffman! Whendya wannit? Now! Far out, man!

...an opportunity that I believe is being seized

"Seized." Yeah, let's go with that, das 'Beast und der Alborg's favorite word. With the real "opportunity" having meant "selective, standardless recounts" in the latter's case, but (since that one didn't work out) now meaning "my party's nomination" in the former's.

...every single day throughout our nation, by individuals who say I've had enough,

We're mad as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore, eh? Did you ever stop to think—(er, let me rephrase that). Did you ever bother to notice that people are actually saying this of you, not to you?

...who understand that four more years of the Bush administration would leave our country unrecognizable. (Applause [Boisterous grunts].)

Right. No more hand-wringing, French-suckuping, run-everyone's life (straight into the ground) liberalism. Something that only those born before the New Deal, Fair Deal, Great Society, Great Malaise, Blue Dress hells you social-engineering liberals fanatically imposed on everyone each time you were in a position of any real power, were blessed enough to recognize as the truly free America that our forefathers originally envisioned.

Those of us who love America,

Weren't in attendance or speaking at that conference.

...who believe with all our heart [sic] that we are part of making it a more perfect union,

Translation: More a socialist utopia.

...that we are called upon to not only love our country,

By trying to bash it into utter submission, including under the heel of the UN and other tyrannies, every chance you got.

...but to love our fellow Americans,

By calling the majority of them members of a "vast right-wing conspiracy" and saying absolutely nothing whenever your cohorts compare our president to Hitler. Can't you just feel the love?

...and to set an example of moral leadership


Well, that definitely leaves out Her Nibs. In her case, it would be closely akin to asking a pedophile to set a good example for kindergarten teachers.

Leave the real setting of examples to people who actually have morals, Hildy.

...around the world for the kind of nation that we want to be. (Applause [Sound of glasses shattering on the floor after slipping out their owners' hands upon mention of the word "moral"].)

And so you're here filling this ballroom,

With a curious aroma that's a cross between patchouli oil and various types of body fluids. The staff at Marriott Wardman Hotel were about to call in the Fire Department's Hazmat trucks. But someone told them they couldn't fumigate the place until after all the sources of that deadly toxin were removed.

...and there are countless Americans like you who have never been involved in politics before. Who, for the first time, are saying, yes, I will.

I.e., "I will never be involved in politics if it means ever having to stand closer than three miles from the likes of this crowd." Multiply by ten if it involves standing near Hildabeast.

I was on Long Island a few weeks ago,

This has yet to be confirmed. Although a broom was spotted parked outside the mansion of a certain wealthy capitalist.

...when a very well dressed, obviously affluent woman said to me,

Inside that mansion.

...Senator, I'm 48 years old, I have never voted before. I said, why is that? She said, I don't know, she said, I was just always so busy with everything going on in my life, I never thought politics made a difference to me, and so I just never went to the trouble.

At which point Hildabeast proceeded to soundly beat the woman over the head with the aforementioned broom for the unpardonable sacrilege of not having ever voted for her. Then she flew off the on its handle, so to speak.

I've had so many other people, young to old, tell me that it's the first time ever that they have been activated,

Just like robots are when you press their "on" switch, or remind them that they lost the last presidential election.

...motivated to follow politics, because they know we're at a great decision point, and I hope that through meetings like this, through the coverage of the media, we are reaching millions of Americans who may never have thought of themselves as political, but who are understanding that the decisions made from the White House to the Congress to the state house are turning America backwards, undermining hard fought victories on behalf of civil rights, and civil liberties, on behalf of economic opportunity and justice.

Good ol' backwards America, teaming on every corner with racists and tight-fisted Nazis. Such a positive view condemnation of the America she "loves" in that rather protracted ramble.

So, our job is not just to come to an event like this, and to cheer great speakers like Reverend Forbes,

It isn't? What a gyp. Cheering's fun: We will win! We will win! We will win! See?

Plus we got to hear some free crap rap:

Airplanes falling, peace talks stalling,

Listen, there are those folks who are crying to make it right,

Back stabbing, throat grabbing,

Kids getting high on drugs and glue,

Short graves, long graves,

You never know which, electrocuting men just to see them twitch,

Now I don't mean to be uncouth, all I'm asking for is tell me the truth.

What time is it you all?

You know the answer, no time for foolishness.

Affirmative action under attack, you bring your money home, there's a hole in the sack,

Spousal systems, parental abuse, sometimes you wonder what's the use,

AIDS keeps spreading like an eating cancer, nations call for help, but there is no answer.

Now, I don't mean to be uncouth, all I'm asking for is, tell me the truth.

What time is it you all?

Races and religions all self-contained, high blood pressure from too much strain,

Why are our families falling apart, we went searching for pleasure and we lost our heart,

Hope and love are in short supply, America's got to find a purpose or else we'll die.

Now, I don't mean to be uncouth, all I'm asking for is, tell me the truth.

What time is it you all?

You say we can't just do that?

We ain't got no time for your foolishness.

...but to leave here and talk to our friends and our neighbors, the people we work with, the people we know in our communities

Huh? I does that alls the time, bilch. We ain't got no time for your foolishness.

...to persuade them also to understand what is at stake.

Yeah, you just wanna take away our free rap. Know what time is it you all?

Now, among the many people who have stood up and said, I cannot sit idly by and watch this happen to the country I love is George Soros, and I have known George Soros -- (Applause [Giant sucking sounds].)

The movin' man. Movin' on some serious bread for his battass circumlocu-circulating around the campaign finance laws, all with the help of his homies at move on dot al-Cyborg.

-- for a long time now, and I first came across his work in the former Soviet Union,

Witnessed firsthand. Da!

...in Eastern Europe, when I was privileged to travel there, both on my own and with my husband on behalf of our country,

So that's why "all of Europe" is so pissed off at us now. What did you say or do to them, O Beastly One? Must have been something really bad for them to hold a grudge this long.

...and I saw the awakening that was occurring as people who had been oppressed, who had been turned into automatons were all of a sudden saying, well, what about my future?

Thanks to President Reagan, they all have a very bright answer to that question. (Oh, that's right, almost forget. The communism in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union "just collapsed" all by its lonesome.)

How will I choose to live? And George Soros was there, from Russia, to Slovakia, all through the region, willing to invest his own resources to open universities, to set up all kinds of civic organizations, to give people a chance to do what we take for granted in this country, to associate, to speak out, to be part of something greater than ourselves.

Setting them up to lose their pension savings in the currency collapses he likes causing, to subsequently see their countries' debts quickly rise (or governments topple), to have their wages plummet, to know the value of their exports have just gone *poof*.

Most of them now say they wish he'd never been there. Given how he similarly "helped" Asian countries (which you miserably failed to mention), it's not surprising that the people of Asia are similarly appreciative. So much, in fact, that they've banned or heavily restricted all his operations there.

The only reason you tolerate him (and his money) is because he's giving you a load of it (and his money). Perhaps you believe by your being a subservient tool of The Evil Rich in his case—swallowing the hook, line, and sinker of his open-society malarkey (don't hold the mayo)—this gives your party more hope of punishing The Evil Rich. You'd have about as much hope of that if you just changed your name to Toollary. Or did you believe that no one would notice him handing you a few chips in that casino economy he envisions for everyone?

Or maybe he warmed your bleeding, blame-America heart after he practically called our country Anazica. Still, as much as he hates America—and specifically our president for not being a secretive manipulator like himself—liberals themselves mistrust him. However, he wants to be the Dodocrats' Messiah (and everyone else's) and so do you.

So while you're selling out your party's soul to the devil in exchange for shadow-party shady finances and October nonsurpises, consider how Greens and most other people view your chinkful knight-king: Soros sees opportunities in other people's miseries. Just the way Dhimmicrats do.

Your party and him are the perfect pair.

And I saw the results on the ground in those countries.

The phrase "economic war zone" comes to mind.

Now, George Soros is using his considerable success in our free market, in our democracy

God help us.

...to make sure that his opinions are heard in the marketplace of ideas.

Like his other investments, his first tactic is to try flat-out killing all competition so only his opinions can be "heard."

That is within the great American tradition.

No it's not. Unless you believe that lobbying for pre-election free-speech blackouts which effectively silence regular Americans who disagree with you falls within that tradition.

Now, you're going to hear, if you haven't already, many, many attacks on George Soros.

From the Ukraine. From Taiwan. From Malaysia. From Hong Kong and China. From Thailand. From free-speech activists. From Greens. From Russia. From true campaign-finance reform supporters. From Great Britain. From the Anti-Defamation League. From the Republic of Georgia. From France! From the Washington Post. From First and Second Amendment defenders. From the Massachussets Institute of Technology. From former Yugoslavia. From the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research. From Poland. Even from the country of his birth Hungary.

Nothing to see here. MoveOn alorg...

They are coming over the transom,

And through the front and back and side doors and all the windows, down the chimney, up the toilet, out the faucets, and every other architectural orifice and possible means of entrance imaginable.

they are being carried on the media.


And, you know, we have two kinds of media left it seems to me, we've got the so-called mainstream media, which is on the one hand this and on the other hand that,

Yes, this hand which tries to toss into the nearest circular file every report about your Peter Paul illegal fundraising contributions, your "misplacement" of Rose law firm billing records, your helpful cleanup of Vince Foster's office before the FBI arrived, your hiring of Thug Livingstone, your "returned" campaign donations from Hamas-terrorist supporters, your stealing White House china, your "I'm very disappointed" that your pardon-broker brother got caught selling favors from your co-president. And that hand which tries to pass off your proposed total government takeover of the entire health-care industry as the best thing since sliced bread, your idea of getting rid of the Electoral College as the highest stroke of genius since Einstein's Theory of Relativity, your "take things away from you on behalf of the common good" speech the noblest uttering of humankind since Marx's Manifesto. Just to name a few examples from those diddling hands.

...and then we've got the advocacy media that is turning more into propaganda than information.

Like CBSNBCABCCNN-BBC-AP-.... You already mentioned them, Your Beastliness. Reckon they're digital brownshirts now, too.

And so, you will see a steady drumbeat about what right does this very successful man have to use his resources to try to create political movement and action.

Huh? He has every right to do so in the free country which he so freely bashes. In fact, if you could help make sure that he does more of it, that would be immensely helpful to the people who haven't yet heard but would then be very interested to find out just how much of his resources he is using for his "matter of life and death" and "central focus of my life" campaign activities.

Well, I'll tell you, he has the same right as all the people on the right have had for the last 50 years to set up the structures that they have invested in. (Applause [Higher than normal flatulence].)

Yeah, but he's not doing enough of it. So if you'd be so kind as to nudge him toward exercising that right more openly and often, that would be much appreciated. Theeenks.

You know, I do know a little bit about the vast right wing conspiracy. (Applause [Explosive diarrhea].)

Oh, and there were doubters. But, you know, that didn't happen by accident, it happened because people with a very particular point of view, they didn't like labor unions, they didn't like civil rights, they didn't like women's rights, they didn't like health and safety protections, they didn't like environmental protections, they didn't like energy that would make us independent from being totally dependent on the Gulf, on and on and on.

And on and on and on and on.

Yes, those evil wage-slaving, racist, women-hating, uncaring, river-polluting, gas-guzzling conspirators are everywhere—Everywhere! I tell you. Just let me adjust the antennae on my official BeastMaster® TF-Hat VRWC Detector™ a little more to the south and I'll be able to increase its bleep bleep bleeps.

They came together, literally starting 50 years ago.

Literally June 3, 1954. However, Her Rottenesty is off by about 178 years. The then unprecedented movement away from overly intrusive and stifling government interference in every aspect of normal people's daily lives began on July 4, 1776. You might want to correct that glaring error on your Conspiracy Timeline, Your Nibberalness.

They created think tanks,

As opposed to the left's tard tanks.

...they invested in endowed professorships,

All those conservative professors at our universities. It's deplorable.

...they set up other media outlets, on and on and on.

Media that doesn't fawn over you or you can't control is evil—Evil! I tell you.

And on and on and on and on. She's on something, all right.

And there were a handful in the beginning of people who didn't like the direction of the country starting with the New Deal. You know, they just didn't think that was much of a deal for them.

Unlike it being a great deal for liberals. They go around using other people's money to fund their outlandish promises of "free" hand-outs in exchange for the votes which keep them in office and power. It's, you know, called "voting ourselves the treasury," Hippary. Every society that has ever tried it is now the subject of archeological digs and lost-languages research.

They kind of liked the powerful being able to lord it over the powerless.

Potkettle. You like yourself getting votes from people whom you tell "I'm here to help you" if only they'll reside as welfare-dependent slaves on your government plantation.

And so they very slowly, but surely, tried to change American politics.

"Tried"? Oh, that's right. Democrat President George W. Bush and the Democrat-controlled U.S. House and Senate and the 28 Democrat governorships and the majority of state legislative seats controlled by Democrats for the first time since 1952. Those must've slipped my mind.

And you've got to give them credit, they've done a good job.

Considering how they're now only "trying."

They've got themselves a president and a vice president,

The two usually go together, O History-challenged One.

...and lots of other people who march to their drumbeat.

We little peoples usually refer to them as "an overwhelming majority of Americans" in our non-mansions before we drive our non-limousines to our non-cushy non-senatorial non-government jobs. There's no drumbeating or marching around involved.

It's not in the tradition of American values or ideals.

Whereas communistic socialism is?

In fact one of my favorite lines, especially in this year as we celebrate the incredible accomplishments of Brown v. Board of Education, which sparked a civil rights movement, thank goodness, in our nation,

And sparked riots and death, too. But we'll overlook that "goodness" part of it for now.

...is that the organization that the White House lets vet and recommend judges for the federal court called The Federalist Society,

Ah, yes. The White House's Office of Judiciary Vetting. Under the al-Qlinton Maladministration, it was headed hijacked by the National Organization of Women, AFL-CIO, NAACP, Handgun Control, Inc., Association of Trial Lawyers, on and on and on and on and on.

...they have members who go around talking about bringing the Constitution back from exile,

From where that document's been "living."

...because they believe it went into exile with Brown v. Board of Education, because declaring that children deserved not separate but equal, which could never be separate and equal, but instead needed equality in education, was considered somehow a detour from the Constitution being used to protect property rights, and establishment rights and values.

Your bloviating aside, how stands the state of public government schools now, a half-century after the Brown decision? Ask The Ch-ch-churldrun, "Why you ain't learnin' nothin'? Where you is in grades?" Then ask the ones whose parents—Black, Hispanic, and White alike—have liberated them from those nonlearning environments and placed them in schools that actually teach them things they can really use on their way toward becoming doctors, engineers, and workers in every other career field, all within their choosing.

Apparently, you believe every child should be equal only insofar as sharing that same government-school misery, rather than given an honest chance for hope and a real future outside it.

So, don't ever let anyone tell you that what we're a part of this year to take back America,

Translation: For just ourselves and our party's own power.

...and to set up institutions and structures

For entrenching an unchallengeable hold on power...

...to compete with those that are deeply embedded in the life of this town, and have so much to do with the decisions that have been made for more than a decade, that somehow we're the ones who are illegitimate.

If Dhimmicrats want to point out that they're considered bastards, they won't be getting any argument from me.

My goodness,


I believe in democracy,

"One Hilldabeast-The Only Vote" variety.

...therefore, I believe in speaking out and fighting back.

Hear the beast roaaaaaar! whine.

And we cannot do that if we don't have -- Applause [Monkey-like feces flinging].)

-- people literally from one end of the country to the other,

There are literally people from one end of the country to the other. Just the majority of them would rather vote for Anyone But Donkorats™.

...and if we don't have people like George Soros who is willing to use his resources to help us organize.

You might have a chance to avoid pushing up political daisies real soon because then you'd appear less corrupt and desperate and willing to be used as his tool.

But we cannot leave it to the George Soroses of the world.

Although that's exactly what you're doing.

No matter how much he helps, no matter how much he contributes, he is one person,

One billionaire isn't enough to help Dirtbagorats overcome the general perception that they're just way too shady. Heck, not even a trillionaire would be able to help them there.

...and we have to do our part to make sure we are a multitude of voices, and that the activism and involvement of our citizenry leading up to this election is unprecedented.

Oh, it will be unprecedented all right. After all your party's efforts trying to sabotage this global war against the terrorist's bloodthirsty "activism," to derail the president's nominations for filling long-standing vacancies on our Nation's courts, to talk down the economy every chance you get in hopes people will loose confidence and subsequently their jobs just so you can score some selfish political advantage, to call our president a misleader and a liar and a "unilateralist" and a miserable failure the same way America's mortal enemies in this World War are, to do an end run around the campaign-finance laws by letting Soros et al. fund your shadow-party "527" campaigns, to give every illegal infiltrator who crosses the border into our country a no-questions-asked driver's license just so they can register as a no-questions-asked voter (for Droolocrats) under the Moter Voter Act, to let men marry men and women marry women and whoever marry whatever and whatever marry whomever he, she, it, they, or other very well pleases, to delay confirmation of a Court of Appeals judge so he wouldn't upset your "race OK as a factor" pet affirmative-action case (and sneakily getting such delay!), to claim our president had "clear warning" about the terrorist attacks but did nothing because...because...because he wanted us attacked!, to put forward the "reasonable" notion that we just should've let the Iraqi people rot under Saddam Hussein rather than risk offending his gal France, to scare seasoned citizens with the falsehood that Republicans were cutting Medicare, to impugn the integrity of not just our president but our entire Armed Forces by ridiculously accusing the latter of honorably discharging an AWOL service member, to have us believe you "support the troops" while you're in the process of nominating a candidate for president who voted against the funding they needed for staying safe and fully equipped, to introduce legislation in Congress for reinstating the draft solely for the purpose of making this World War as unpopular as you can so we'll loose our resolve, capitulate, and re-bury our heads in the sand, to weaken key provisions (i.e., those the terrorists themselves fervently hope will be weakened) of the Uniting and Strengthening of American by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism (USA PATRIOT) Act which have already thwarted terrorists' radiological bombing plots and money laundering schemes, to not only extend but expand al-Qlinton's "assault weapons" "just because they're scary-looking weapons" ban by riding it on and forthwith sinking the much needed frivolous "blame law-abiders not criminals" lawsuit ban, and to offer the American people nothing but Anyone But Bush as if that blind hatred you have of him is the only thing anyone should ever be for—just to mention a few examples of your latest efforts—there is going to be such a multitude of voters expressing their displeasure and disgust at what your party has done and is still doing, you'll have to compete from here on out with Greens and Libertarians for second-party status. It's what you all have earned for yourselves. It's what you deserve.

Then, of course, we have to make sure that the votes are counted. (Applause [Insane gobbling].)

Some of you know that I've joined with Congressman Rush Holt, and Senator Bob Graham to introduce legislation to have a verified paper ballot to go along with the direct election by computers. (Applause [Screeches of "Bring back chad!" and "Dimples are cute!" and "No pregnant ones, no peace!"].)

Senator Graham, who keeps meticulous diaries in which he obsessively records every bit of minutia in his life, wrote this about the conversation he had with Hildabeast immediately before she joined him:

Dear Diary,

During lunch (which ended a few minutes ago) I met with NY Sen. H.R.C. I had a salad with French dressing. She a 10-oz. sirloin, 2 baked potatoes, mac & cheese, and chocolate eclairs for desert.

HC said she liked my tie with the little FL maps on them. (Reminds me: My shoelaces are yellow. I picked them out to match my green socks.) She also told me she liked my idea about forcing states to add paper ballots to their computer voting machines. I wanted her take on how we can finagle that old bin Laden memo—the one with his vague plans for attacking somewhere in the US at some point—into a neat headline like "Bush covering up his prior knowledge of 9/11 attacks." She said it would work only if the memo remains classified, so no one in the public would get to see how really vague it is. I said I agreed. Then she finished her 2nd potato.

I think I'm gonna order that new Jimmy Buffett boxset.

(source: Bob Graham, Dear Diary, 2d Series, Vol. MMCCCLXVII, Part 153, pp. 6,532-3.)

Also, on page 6,541, he mentions that he was hurt after she miserably failed to complement him on his new tinfoil hat.

And you know, there are lots of problems with the equipment,

No one voting for Deceiverats.

That's no bug. It's a feature. Added not by the manufacturers, but by the voters themselves.

...and with the security,

Every vote is being counted, but only ones for Republicans are registering.

That's because they actually have a real-deal message that's registering with the public. Not because anyone's kicking out Dorkcrapic votes (which would be extremely difficult to do, anyway, since you'd have to find one first before you can kick it out).

...and we just need to get it worked out. But isn't it a little embarrassing that India just voted, 560 million people, using electronic voting, didn't have one problem, and changed the government in a political earthquake. Now, they are the largest democracy in the world, we are the oldest democracy in the world. I certainly hope that we have an election that is as free of complaint and concern as that one just was.

The only ones complaining and raising any concerns here are you and the other paranoid members of a party that year after year after year keeps losing election after election after election. It's simple: You put your garbage in, and we (not the machines) intentionally kick it out. Doesn't take a computer scientist to understand that one.

But that is also going to take organization and commitment from thousands and thousands of Americans. We need people to be not just registering voters, and getting people out to vote, but to be poll workers, to be poll watchers, to be involved in their local communities as these decisions are made.

Are you ever going to introduce Soros? We know you believe each and every event you ever attend should only be entirely about Your Nibbiness. But, Geez. The audience natives are starting to get restless.

You know, as much as I care about who wins this election, I care more that we run an election with integrity,

*major spittake*

Call it something like the "what it isn't isn't" election strategy.

...because, for goodness sakes, we have to prove that we can do that. (Applause [Guttural burping].)

Or, after you inevitably prove you can't (and never could), simply blame others for your defeats, or the machines, or Eleanor Roosevelt's tea leaves, or the transit of Venus, or whatever else you hope can let you avoid having to face the real source of that blame, courtesy the closest mirror.

I know that this is a nonpartisan group.


Let's take a look at the guest list to see who else attended (or was invited to) your Take America Back to Pre-Independence Times conference: Eliot Spitzer, Democrap New York Attorney General; Chellie Pingree, misleader of Common Cause and a Democrud candidate for U.S. Senate; Robert B. Reich, former Qlinton Labor Secretary; Kim Gandy, misleader of National Organization for Women (which endorsed former Demoonbatic Senator Carol Moseley Braun "for President of the United States"); Jehmu Greene, misleader of Rock the Vote and former Regional Political Director for the Demoshatic National Committee; Cheryl Jacques, misleader of Human Rights Campaign and Demogayic member of the Massachusetts state senate; Ralph G. Neas, misleader of People For the American Way and Demospastic candidate for Congress from Maryland; John Podesta, misleader of Center for American Progress and former Qlinton Chief of Staff; John Sweeney, misleader of AFL-CIO (which endorsed Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry for president); Leo Gerard, misleader of United Steelworkers of America (which endorsed the walking Botox billboard for president); Gerald McEntee, misleader of American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (which voted for endorsing Howlin' Dean before voting against it); Terence M. O'Sullivan, misleader of Laborers' International Union (which, as a general principle, endorses only scurrying Demoroaches); Andy Stern, misleader of Service Employees International Union (which endorsed Howard the Dean); David Brock, self-admitted liar (synonymous with Deceiverat, except for the self-admitted part); Arianna Huffington, nominee for the Terrence R. McAuliffe Memorial "Landslide Prognostication" Award; Jesse Jackson, "more my lips flap, redder goes the map"; Robert Borosage, codirector of Campaign for America's Future and former Jesse Jackson aide; Julian Bond, chairman of National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and author of the New York Slimes worst-seller Republicans: They All Look Like Talibans To Me; John Corzine, Demoolahic senator; Ellen "Find the Eli Lilly Bandit" Miller, deputy director of the Institute for America's Future and publisher of its TomPaine.com Web site, as well as a judge for the HateBush™ "Weapons of Mass Corruption Contest" (no Qerry or Soroses were harmed in the making up of it) and former envelope stuffer for Robert Kennedy's presidential campaign; Maria Echaveste, cofounder of Nueva Vista Group and member of the New Demonrat Network's Hispanic Project Advisory Board; Wes Boyd, misleader of MorOn.borg (which "raised more than $2 million for Democratic candidates in 2000"); Joan Blades (Mrs. Wes Boyd), cofounder of MoneyOn.orgy; Harold Meyerson, BushHater-at-large for the American Prospect; Stan Greenberg, chairman of Greenberg Research and former Qlinton senior advisor; Barbara Ehrenreich, author, endorser of Dennis "Department of Peace" Kucinich, and an honorary chair of the Democratic Socialists of America; Jan Schakowsky, Demoflapic congresswoman; and "invited guests: Howard Dean, John Edwards [who was scheduled to follow Soros, but bowed out because of a 'scheduling conflict' - feh], Richard Gephardt, Bob Graham, John Kerry, Dennis Kucinich, Joe Lieberman, Carol Moseley-Braun, Al Sharpton and other presidential candidates." (Could almost copy-n-paste the USAction one.)

"Nonpartisan group," indeed. Do you even realize you're lying when you do it, or is it just an involuntary response to your vocal chords vibrating?

But I will just close with this,

(Standing ovation and wild celebrations, punctuated with cries of "Finally!" and "Is this still 2004?")

...all the work that we're doing, the work that all of you, groups like this, George Soros, countless others, it is not just for this election, it is for the long-term.

So what have you done for us lately, Donothingcrats? That's what voters will be asking. Not checking whether al-Qerry and President Bush are twins. You haven't even bothered asking "what can I do for my country?" because you've all been too busy whining and complaining and criticizing and offering nothing but promises you'll never have even the slightest chance of ever keeping (other than by exorbitantly increasing everyone's tax rates and fees—not just "the rich's"—and causing our country to plunge back into a deep recession that will only "take back" the millions of good-paying jobs we've been recovering).

The way your party's going there isn't any long-term in its future except that long-awaited, soon to be released sequel to your book, titled Dead History.

We are still a long way from the promise of America being fulfilled.

Actually, we're getting quite close, and will be even closer as we near a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and then replace even more social-engineering activist judges with people who really do read the constitution.

We have come further than any place in human history.


But, with all due respect to my friends in this administration,

Norman Mineta and his favorite bat.

...and on the other side of the aisle,

The only way that can be true is if she's talking about the produce aisle and all its fresh, friendly vegetables.

...it was not rich people like George Soros who made America great,

Considering how he didn't arrive here from Hungary until long after America had become so.

...it was average, working Americans

Unlike Her Nibbs.

...who believed that tomorrow could be better than today.


It was people who got up every single morning and did the best they could for their children,


...who built businesses,


...who taught in schools, who led churches, who created communities.

Ibid. Ibid. Ibid.

It truly was a dream that we were given as our birthright.

No matter how your big-government, high-taxes, socialistic, phony Third Way ideas have tried to squander it.

For those of us born here, and for others, it became part of who they were when they came here.

As in billionaires refusing to do end runs around our country's campaign finance law in order to manipulate our elections for their own benefit? Or as in being among the lucky ones who didn't get aborted so they'd really have a chance to "come here"? Obviously the present speaker and the next have a very different concept of what "it" means.

That is what is at risk in this election, yes, I can give you a critique on every single issue, every single policy of this administration,

Which would require you to try to offer up some actual specifics.

Understandable if you choose to take a pass, since each would be totally within even a ten-year-old's ability to effortlessly shoot down. Example— Hildabeast: "Bush lied!" Ten-year-old Tommy: "Why do you say that?" H: "Because he can't tell the truth about Iraq and stuff." T: "For example?" H: "He said we'd find weapons of mass destruction there but we haven't." T: "Didn't the news say not too long ago that we had?" H: "Oh, what I meant was, we haven't found 'any significant stockpiles overflowing across the countryside and out of everyone's ears' there." T: "Did the president say we would?" H: "Well, no. But that's what he meant. And that's why he lied." T: "He told you he meant that?" H: "Listen, Tommy. Bush said we'd find a bunch of bad stuff there, and we've found only less than a bunch. Ergo, the president lied." T: "Maybe he was mistaken about the 'finding a bunch' part, but not about the 'finding enough' part." H: "Um...I don't get you." T: "Could what we found there ever been used here to hurt us real bad?" H: "Well, it's possible that the amount of bad stuff we found could have killed a couple hundred people in a crowded mall, for example, if it was set off properly. But it wasn't used properly. It was just sitting along the roadside there, not here. So it's not a threat. Therefore, Bush lied!" T: "Bad stuff is bad stuff. If there's even that possibility it could be used here, should we at least try to make sure it never gets here?" H: "Look. It's obvious you've been misled, perhaps even brainwashed by the VRWC. Think I can talk to your five-year-old sister? Maybe I can convince her." T: "Yeah, sure. She's in the other room playing with her new Ann Coulter doll."

...but [bah] at the end of the day, it is their stubborn refusal to recognize the debt we owe to the future that bothers me the most.

The only debt which we owe the future is kicking the liberal bums out of every public office there is so our children and our grandchildren can live in a society totally free from that nanny government you never cease envisioning for us and the excessive amount of taxes it requires for fueling all the overly burdensome, intrusive, and oppressive policies you pray it will forever impose on we the people (exempting yourself and your pals, of course).

Your party's the one that's stubbornly refusing to recognize that debt. Not the Bush Administration.

-- the capacity to control our destiny, they are short-circuiting the dreams of people who need to believe that not only is America special, but that we do have a role in the world that is irreplaceable.

I thought you said (somewhere way back there) that you would "just close with this." Apparently you weren't referring to your beastly maw.

So this election, yes, it's about candidates, and I am as committed to electing John Kerry

Whose signs were nowhere to be found at your conference. Just former-candidate Dean's.

...as I have ever been involved in any election in my entire life,

Because he's your ticket to the top of the ticket.

(Let me borrow your hat there for a minute, Bob. Thanks.) With 2,620 delegates apparently "pledged" to vote for al-Qerry, you and the other 801 unpledged superdelegates can't swing a brokered convention—which leaves you (or your hand-picked placeholder) worming your way into the vice-presidential slot. A few weeks polls later Hanoi John claims his old "war injury" is acting up and he has to bow out of the race. The VP nominee moves up a notch (if it's your hand-picked placeholder, he chooses you as his running mate before bowing out himself) and—viola—*spit* al-Qlinton/Clark2004 *spit*. (Here, you can have your hat back now, Bob.) Otherwise, you'll have to see if you do have a four-, eight-, or even twelve-year shelf life, with at least two of them being in the out-of-office wilderness when former Mayor Giuliani gets elected in 2006 to succeed you.

Decisions, decisions.

...because I believe he would be a great president [placeholder for me], a serious, thoughtful president [placeholder for me] for a difficult and challenging time [being my placeholder]. (Applause [Moonbatous barking].)

But electing leaders is only part of the equation.

Could we have the abbreviated summary of those parts, instead of your full dissertation on all 325? Howard Dean's said he's going to start naming all the states again if you don't.

We, once again, have to become better citizens.

South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee,...

Oh, boy.

You know, it is not enough -- (Applause [Droolistic splashing].)

-- for America's future that some participate and others don't.

Arkansas, Texas, New Mexico, Old Mexico, Arizona,...

Hey, "Old Mexico" isn't a state!

Sure it is. They even had a booth once at one of the Olympics.

No, that was "New Mexico."

Whatever. Now where was I? Oh, right. Nevada, California, Wyoming, Montana, Washington,....


It is not enough for America's future,

Idaho, Oregon, Oklahoma, ...


...the future we want to see for our great country that it seems that our highest goal in life is to be consumers.

Never mind, Deano. Looks like she's about to put a fork in it.

But I haven't gotten to any of the northeastern states yet.

Maybe next conference.

Well, in that case— Heeeeeeyaaaaaaa!

We have been given an extraordinary blessing,

Yeah, we're finally approaching the end of your "introduction."

...and at this moment in time, our country needs us,

To stop you from introducing people, now or ever again.

...and we need people like George Soros, who is fearless,

Your fearless leader Daddy Megabucks.

...and willing to step up when it counts.

Translation: When we need gobs and gobs of his under-the-table millions.

So, please join me in welcoming George Soros. (Applause [Copious belching].)

The unruly horde pick up the scent of a capitalist in their midst—and, energized only with a furious outpouring of blind, unbridled rage, inflamed in part by their having had to suffer through such a longwinded "introduction," they charge him, snatch him off the stage, and start tearing him apart limb from limb before someone shouts, "Stop! He's our capitalist." But it's too late. MuteOn.oink folds after losing its chief financial backer, causing the plethora of former Qlinton Administration officials on its payroll to look for real jobs (which they promptly never find and have to volunteer as members of the al-Qerry3004 rapid-response team which loads vile after vile of Botox injections for the sagging sexagenarian junior-senator's face).

Not a pretty sight.

However, after her speech, das Beast did receive the following heartfelt letter from one of her devoted constituents:

Dear al-Qlinton's wife #1,

We may not have met before, but I want you to know that it was because of your husband and you that I got actively involved in politics. You both have been a tremendous inspiration to me, and I support what you two did in office 100 goats percent.

Like you, I've had enough too. I don't want to see that mean Bushitler in White House anymore, either. His miserably failed administration has caused terrible hardships for my friends and my neighbors, the people I work with, and the people I know in my community. We say the Demoqrats are much better at letting us keep our jobs.

I strongly support your efforts to defeat the evil George Bush this fall. Please let me know what else I can do to help you and your party.

Your always faithful supporter,

Osama bin Laden

Touching tribute to that traitorous twosome.
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