Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Peek-A-Boo Candidate


“You can't see me, my eyes are closed.”

hen JFQ closes his eyes, he doesn't see us. So, using LibLogic® Version -6.0, he concludes that we can't see him either. (That, or he's finally noticed how all his audiences' eyes are closed whenever he opens his to find the source of all that snoring he keeps hearing.) Once he realized that to not see him is to not know him, he considered this a good thing, especially after discovering how his liberal big-taxes, big-government ideas are now even more unpopular with voters in states like Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Nebraska, as well as with their elected representatives. Like a kid who hopes his mommy will believe him when he says, "I had my report card but Rover snatched it out of my hand and ate it!"

Not surprisingly, people who've spotted Elvis now outnumber the ones who think they glimpsed al-Qerry last week, with his appearances on the campaign trail getting as rare as his drive-by votes in the Senate. However, nothing to get alarmed about, L'Utopianites. It's all part of the new plan.

Voters weren't buying the Democrums' "Even Hitler's Better Than Bush" campaign strategy, despite its being approval by a foreign leader who'd likely endorse Qerry too (were she still in office). Apparently, someone forgot to tell Doh!macrats that Hitler, Stalin, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, and other past and present mass murderers are "anyone but Bush" also.

So their leader Terry McAuliffe crossed the globe again on Hanoi John's behalf looking for a new strategy, which he found only a couple of weeks ago. And it's so crazy—It. Just. Might. Work.

It's the 'ol visibly-challenged ploy. No one would ever think to look into the part-time Junior Senator's record of anti-military, anti-Second Amendment, pro-Viet Nam, pro-NAFTA votes, speeches, and interview answers if they thought the person who made them didn't exist. "Out of sight, out of mind" and all that. For example, someone at a Boston cocktail party would bring up the legend of Long Face, and folks would simply say that it sounds too much like Big Foot. There's no objective evidence he exists other than a few paper mache casts of his footprints and about a yard's length of very grainy film showing him slinking around. Marginally entertaining, but not very enlightening.

Then voters will show up at the polls this November, see Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry's name on the ballot, but won't know who the frUNch he is. Oh, one or two might recall that he's anyone but Bush, or that they heard a drunk guy at a kegger once go on and on about how some scientists in a secret laboratory had created this sqerry Botoxenstein who was lurching through the countryside frightening small children. But no one else will actually make the connection since they never really saw the guy themselves. If they don't like President Bush they'll go "Qerry, Naderry, minerry, moe" and pick someone else. Qerry's bound to get more votes that way than if voters knew that he was the same guy who's been walking around with his eyes closed.

Have no fear. They'll open long enough on November 3rd to see that his name's been added to the growing list of losers who also misunderestimated our president. Even if Dorkorats decide to play tag instead of peek-a-boo after next month.

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