loading...

 

Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

Mickey Moore's latest film: 'Barnuts for Beer Buddies'

 

The heartwrenching story of two pals who got on off the right foot.* (Hat tip: James Hudnall)


“H
ey, Binney, you gonna eat that corndog or what!”

“No, Dub, you can have it.”

“Thanks! That's mighty gragarinous of you.”

“Don't mention it,” Dub's swarthy companion replied, adding under his breath, “unless you can pronounce it.”

“What's that! Whadda say? You makin' fun of how I talk, again?”

“No. I was just wondering why you always fail so miserably to pronounce things.”

The panged look on Dub's face was partially hidden by his oversized cowboy hat. “Well, I was just wonderin' myself why you always fail to think that women ain't no good at anything 'cept brushing down your camels!”

The two friends burst into laughter at their old, inside joke.

“I see your--I see your point, there,” Binney got out in between guffaws.

“No you don't,” Dub exclaimed, wiping a tear away from his right eye. “But that hasn't stopped you before.”

“I--I suppose you're right.”

“Right as the day is long, ol' Binney boy,” Dub said, slapping the back of his dear old friend.

The pair's laughter finally subsided, and both fell into a companionable silence. Dub downed the rest of his beer then ordered another from the bartender who stood silently nearby, staring at both of them in equal amounts of shock and awe.

“That reminds me,” Dub told his friend after the bartender handed him his second beer, “if all the women ever do in that big sandbox you call a country is brush camels, where do they find any time to raise youngins?”

“Ah, you still don't see the wisdom of our bedouin system, my young kufr bronko buster. All you know is equal-partner this and liberation that when it comes to your females.”

“That's 'cause y'all ain't got no cacti in them deserts of yours, budda Binney. Yours are nothin' but flat, barren wasteland. Ours is full of those big sharp prickleys that can stab you good if you don't handlin' them just right,” Dub said, swaying slightly rightward on his barstool. “I've seen a man's arm swell up as big as my hat after being stuck by one.”

“You're thinking of a rattlesnake,” Binney corrected him.

“Nooss. I's talkin' about those giant cactuses that populate just about every corner of the desert we have back home.”

“Whatever.” Binney knew better not to argue with his friend after he'd gotten two beers in him. “I'll tell you what, though. If ever I'm in that wonderful desert of yours, perhaps you can show me some of those dangerous plants.”

“Plants! I thought we were talkin' about women!”

The two laughed hard again as Binney yanked the brim of Dub's hat down over his eyes.

“I can't see!” Dub cried out in terror. “I've drank so much I've gone blind!”

Binney nearly fell off his own barstool at the sight of Dub flinging his arms about wildly in the air. He grabbed both of Dub's forearms and held them firmly. “Listen! Listen, Dub. You aren't blind. Look,” Binney said, lifting the brim of Dub's hat back up. “It was just your hat.” He grabbed Dub's arms again and shook him twice.

Dub's eyes were squeezed tightly shut. “I don't believe you. You've got to get me to a doctor, man. Hurry, call an ambalulance! Ask the bartender if you can borrow the phone. Tell him it's an emerginency!”

Binney let go of Dub's arms. He lifted his right leg up then slammed his foot down hard on top of Dub's right boot.

“Hey,” Dub shouted, opening his eyes wide and looking down at the deep, new crease along the top half of his boot, “whadda do that for? That's made of genuine allimagator skin, Binney. You might've ruined it permanently!”

“Well, at least you can see, now.”

“Oh, wow! I can. I can see, Binney! Ah, man, this is wonderful. This is great. Let me buy you a beer so's we can celebrate.”

“Forget the beer, Dub. I'm really rather hungry. Do you mind if I have my corndog back?”

“Nah, go ahead, Binney. What are friends for?” Dub asked, adding under his breath, “It's cold now, anyway.”


* Screenplay based on the novel by Caulif McTerry, Bob Woodward's Feverish Dreamland and Other Fun Fables (Hernibs & Daughter Publishing Co., 2004), excerpted above by permission.

Bookmark and Share  

Comments (registered users)

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link


Liberal Utopia

LC Local 666, VRWC
Solidarity!
V A
Victory
Blog
Never Submit

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?


LUmail

Liberal Utopia
WWW


Site Feed

Subscribe to Liberal Utopia by Email

Archives

March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
December 2012
January 2013
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
September 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
September 2015
November 2015
December 2015
January 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
June 2016
July 2016
August 2016
September 2016
October 2016
November 2016
January 2017
February 2017
March 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
August 2017

Previous






G o o g l e
b o m b s
miserable failure
culture of corruption
sus barbatus
unelectable
wicked witch of the east
liberals
peckerwood
jew
great president