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No Waffles on No Guns


One issue on which al-Qerry has never flip-flopped.

JOHN KERRY has voted with the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence 100% of the time.

JOHN KERRY, in 2002, received an "F" from the National Rifle Association and had a 0% rating with Gun Owners of America (www.vote-smart.org).

uote from the RNC's web site? Or from kerrywaffles.com? No. It's from the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence's own web page detailing the solidly anti-Second Amendment voting record of this most liberal senator ("KERRY" links supplied).

Hanoi John simply refuses to serve any waffles—or anything else—to the citizen's right to keep and bear arms. (Google bomb courtesy of Ken, Esoteric * Diatribe.) While the tyrant- and terrorist-endorsed candidate's voting record is replete with these nuanced cousins of flapjacks (which the French call "gaufre"), the former Michael Dukakis for Governor running mate doesn't think the Democrepit Party "should be the candidacy of the NRA"—the grass-roots organization whose five million members are among the mainstream of Americans who oppose Qerry and his ilk's "collective right" theory of gun ownership.

Pull my finger, HJ - Hanoi John and the twentieth century's only impeached U.S. president discuss the relative merits of waffles and Africa-bound interns. (photo: Miserable Failure)

Criminals can count on Qerry's unflinching gun-control stand, too. Besides his desire to disarm only law-abiding citizens so that they're left totally at the mercy of armed criminals, he voted against the legislation offered by Senator Hatch of Utah that would've imposed strict, mandatory sentences on criminals convicted of illegal possession of any firearms. His answer to crime is "to keep policing 'smart' and community-friendly." So after you call 911 and die, some smart policemen will show up to draw really neat chalk outlines around your body and use the latest in film technology to photograph your corpse. All while wearing comforting and friendly smiles.

Oh yeah, he would work to stop all that racial profiling of criminals as well. Doesn't want to offend his constituency of criminals who have been victimized by this practice. Just a smart political move on his part.

Even the guns themselves will be smart. Each one will have a built-in database that will keep track of who has handled it by tracing the handler's fingerprint impressions left along its sensor-grid coating. If those impressions match any of the stored criminal records constantly updated through the gun's built-in satellite downlink, an encrypted code will be sent to all smart bullets within 300 yards of that firearm to "disarm" themselves so they won't be able to fire. Don't you feel safer already?

Moreover, al-Qerry would make sure that every drug offender is regularly tested in prison and post prison. How does this relate to gun bans, you ask? As every liberal from France to Massachusetts believes, only criminals who use illegal drugs illegally use guns. They should eat waffles instead.

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