Any batter who strikes out after a full count will get "a do-over."
In the World Series, if the team that lost the first two games loses another game, it gets to play the next game by itself (with the other team forfeiting), but any score in that game will be divided by half.
Plate umpires have the option of changing a strike to a ball, or vice versa, if the batter looks like he's about to strike out or walk, respectively.
Base umpires have the option of allowing a picked-off runner to stay on base if that runner cries a lot.
If a manager has been ejected from the game for not following the rules,
he she can sneak back in during the ninth inning.
Any pitcher caught throwing greased balls (i.e., spoiling his pitches with spit, Vaseline®, oil, bug guts, or other illegal substance) will have those pitches counted as only "half balls" or "half strikes," as the case may be.
A foul ball may be declared fair if the fans boo loud enough.
A fair ball that didn't seem fair to the lying, do-anything-to-win pitcher on the mound, may be declared foul if all the players in the infield hold up protest signs saying their team is being "disenfranchised."
The infield fly-out rule is mean. It will be replaced with a "Every Hit Should Count" rule.
The plate umpire is required to accept as The Gospel Truth™ any statement by a batter which claims he had to duck and run for cover from the last pitch.
In lieu of "The Wave," fans will be chanting "God D*** Baseball."
Black stripes on uniforms are racist and will be replaced with peace signs and large-pedaled flowers. Also, catchers may not wear cups anymore since that demonstrates an unacceptable gender bias.
Although each team is not allowed to field more than nine
men persons at a time, this rule may be ignored when facing a heavy hitter.
The team that loses the World Series will also get a congratulatory phone call from the president and be allowed to walk/ride/slither around in the winning team's hometown victory parade.
A team owner who was in favor of any baseball tournament before he came out against it (esp. right after it began) will be allowed to brush off any and all questions about that flip-flop by saying, "I support the players but oppose the game."
Whenever a fight breaks out on the field, if it results in both teams emptying the dugouts, then the baseball commissioner will convene a meeting of the league's rules and bylaws committee in order to make every possible concession to the team that started the fight.
Any team's fans who threaten to walk out the game unless they get their way, will be asked to grow up; provided the baseball commissioner doesn't have his baseballs in a proverbial lock box.
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