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Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium façade and take a glimpse of hell.

  Periodic Table's Newest Element

 

Discovery of this primary component of greenhouse gases has left scientists reconsensusing a new religion Undebatable Model of Anthropohoodwink Climoonbat Mange™.


Lb
E

lement name: Liberalium

Symbol: Lb

Atomic number: 0

Protons: 0

Nutrons: 2 × 10∞

Electrons: 0

Melting point: -273.15 °C (absolute zero)

Boiling point: 22 °C (room temperature)

Density: infinite

Electronegativity: always

Description: In addition to its aeronomical effects, scientists consensusly believe this element is responsible for all the so-called "dark matter" in the universe (i.e., an inert form of matter emitting absolutely no light which would, absent countervailing forces, contribute to the universe's reversing its expansion and eventually collapsing in on itself until nothing at all — not even energy — remains). Although not radioactive, liberalium is considered highly dangerous, with even casual exposure causing such a massive accumulation of toxic material in the brain that the organ quickly succumbs to total neuron neutralization, leading to brain death or a Demoqratic Party presidential nomination (six of one, a half dozen of the other and all that). Liberalium exhibits no positive reaction to any of the normal elements. For example, any exposure to bushsonium causes it to explode in a most violent and deranged manner. Otherwise liberalium readily bonds with taxustodeathium, a similarly regressive element, to form the economically corrosive acid Lb4Tx, also known as socialism. Mistaking it for progressivium, ideologues of hate and divisiveness throughout the ages have worshiped liberalium because they feel it possesses magical powers that only they can conjure "for the children."

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