As leaked to the voices in NY Slimes editors' heads.
ick Cheney had a busy morning. During the 125 Minutes™ he acted as president while President George W. Bush was undergoing "a routine colon cancer test," he made "good" use of his time. Although he realized President Bush's incapacitation would be only temporary, Acting President Cheney knew any executive orders he might sign wouldn't.
Thus, now ensconced in one of our National Archive's Secure Rooms®, we have Executive Order A2NC1 of July 21, 2007:
- By the authority vested in me as Acting President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including section 3 of the Twenty Fifth Article of Amendment to the Constitution,
I, RICHARD B. CHENEY, Acting President of the United States of America, find that George W. Bush, per the oft stated consensus of
progressives liberals, all of whom stake sole claim to the Undebatable Ways of Science™, is indeed a "chimp" or "chimpanzee," and further find that the Constitution of the United States allows only a human being, not any gregarious anthropoid ape (Pan troglodytes) of tropical Africa or elsewhere, to hold the Office of President. I, therefore, hereby order:
Section 1. No future declaration or other document so reputedly signed by a chimpanzee has any force or effect whatsoever with regard to the proceedings of or transmittals from the Office of the President.
Sec. 2. In accordance with section 1 of this order, no declaration or other document hereafter signed by George W. Bush has any such force or effect, especially with regard to anything purported to be his written declaration transmitted to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives after this order goes into effect.
Sec. 3. Due to the obvious fact that, pursuant to this order, no future declaration transmitted by George W. Bush which claims he is again able to discharge the powers and duties of his office may have any force or effect whatsoever, his prior written declaration that he is unable to discharge those powers and duties will hereby stand throughout the remainder of his presidency, and I, RICHARD B. CHENEY, will continue to be Acting President of the United States of America.
Sec. 4. This order goes into effect immediately.
RICHARD B. CHENEY
THE WHITE HOUSE,
July 21, 2007
Apparently the media were wrong when they reported Acting President Cheney "was at his Maryland home on the Chesapeake Bay."
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