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Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

New fashion line: 10Commandments Wear® for legal professionals

 

Lawyers and judges of faith, despair not. The Suckpreme Court's decision doesn't apply to clothing.


J
ackets, belts, shoes, shirts, blouses, skirts, pants, and even accessories such as purses, gloves, briefcases, folders, and laptop covers. All prominently embossed or stitched with one of the sundry versions of this text:

  1 And God spake all these words, saying,

  2 I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

  3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

  4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:

  5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

  6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

  7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

  8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

  9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

  10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

  11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

  12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

  13 Thou shalt not kill.

  14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

  15 Thou shalt not steal.

  16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

  17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.


Your colleagues will covet the incomparable fashion statement you'll be making each time you wear any one of the high quality items from this new line. They'll lie, cheat, steal and even kill to get their hands on those accessories. Hear them shout "G**d***!" after they see you sporting that special pair of 5+5 Shoes™. They'll work a month of Sundays just to make enough to buy a Tablet-Backed® jacket, just like the one they'll get a full view of whenever you approach the bench. Every legal beagle will bow down to the unbelievable designers who've created for them such a worshipful line of unique clothing, the perfect style now for both court and office.

So tell your wife or mistress you want a brand new ThouShant Suit for your next birthday or Christmas Multiculturalwinterdiversityfest. Drop a hint to your husband or paramour that you wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same ol' yucky clothing your 'tard parents used to drag their sorry huge butts around in inside the courtroom—but that you wouldn't mind at all getting, either for Valentine's Day or for Easter Four Level Emotional Intelligence Solstice Intervention, one of the divine Mount Sinai hats coming out next Spring.

Don't worry if any Supremacist Court Jester orders you to remove your Decaleg Pants® before entering the courtroom. Tell the old oligarch that she's just given you solid grounds for filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against her, so help you God.

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