These are the shocking revelations from Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry's selectively-released records and President George W. Bush's fully-released ones.
First Lieutenant Bush bought only three pairs of shoelaces for his National Guard boots instead of the required four.
Lieutenant Junior Grade al-Qerry burnt down villages in Viet Nam in a fashion reminiscent of Ghengis Khan and cut off the heads of babies, which he publicly confessed to personally committing.
First Lieutenant Bush was described by his commanding officer as "a dynamic outstanding young officer...a top notch fighter interceptor pilot....Lt. Bush's skills far exceed his contemporaries, [and] he is a natural leader whom his contemporaries look to for leadership. Lt. Bush is also a good follower with outstanding disciplinary traits and an impeccable military bearing." (A uniter even back then, he earned two promotions in rank during his tour of duty.)
Lieutenant Junior Grade al-Qerry was described by his commanding officer as "Qerry who? I never saw the guy except when he begged me to let him bug out early with just a few scratches. I was more concerned with the swift boat officers who got much graver wounds but were refusing their third purple hearts because they wanted to stay and serve alongside their band of brothers." (Not surprisingly, Dividerat Qerry didn't earn any promotions during his four-month tour.)
First Lieutenant Bush didn't film self-aggrandizing reenactments of his military service.
Lieutenant Junior Grade al-Qerry did.
First Lieutenant Bush hasn't made his military service a crutch on which to lean his entire presidential campaign.
Lieutenant Junior Grade al-Qerry has.
First Lieutenant Bush, while wearing the uniform, publicly said only good and honorable things about our troops still serving in or being held as prisoners-of-war in Viet Nam.
Lieutenant Junior Grade al-Qerry, while wearing the uniform, publicly accused our troops of committing "widespread" war atrocities, of cutting off heads and genitals, of raping and pillaging, of routinely violating the Geneva Convention, and of being in effect mass-murdering, psychopathic storm troopers who shot and shelled Viet Namese women and children for target practice.
First Lieutenant Bush has authorized the release of all—repeat all—his military service records.