Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium fa├žade and take a glimpse of hell.

ABB crunching


AnyoneButBush is thrown into the trash heap of other lost campaigns along with the losing losers who engage in them.

oting for someone is not important at all anymore, according to Dodocracts and other liberals, apart from him being "anyone but" the person you're voting against. No, nothing negative there.

Of course, when your own species—politically speaking—is dying out faster than that flightless, awkward bird did over three hundred years ago, you have nothing left to lose by it. Taking down as many others as you can with you then looks likes a "winning strategy." If you won't give us any power, we'll do everything we can to decimate whoever you do give it to. Hah! As if our mortal enemies the bloodthirsty terrorists hell-bent on accomplishing the exact same thing weren't enough. Hah!

So the Anyone-But strategy is the only real deal these remaining dodonkeys are actually offering the American people. Let's take the most extreme anyonebuts who are out there and see how an independent voter might view each one as the Dhimmicrats' presidential candidate:

Hitler (reanimated version). He would probably confuse voters since the Dodocrats' closest supporters have been adament about equating this evil ruler of Nazi Germany who ordered millions gassed to death then shoved into ovens while murderously trying to enslave all of Europe, with our president. But since their strategy isn't AnyoneLike, they probably won't be choosing Hitler to head the Demoonbatic Party's ticket this election.

Genghis Khan (r.v.). If voters weren't prone to confuse this Khan with the one who tried to bury Admiral Kirk alive inside an asteroid, Demoonbats would no doubt consider him highly qualified to run in their AnyoneBut campaign. However, they'd likely switch to AnyoneLike mode if his evil barbaric deeds of genocidal raping and pillaging were better known, so he probably wouldn't make the cut. (see Hitler)

Charles Manson. Although not really that popular among the Hollyweird elite, he'd definitely qualify to run as the Drippocrats' AnyoneBut candidate—provided he breaks that nasty habit of his of carving Nazi swastikas into his forehead, in which case he wouldn't qualify (see Hitler). He'd probably appeal to pro late-term abortion voters.

Ralph Nader. (Dodonks say: see Genghis Khan)

Jack the Ripper (r.v.). If he were alive today and a natural born U.S. citizen, he'd qualify as an ABB candidate for the Doodoocrats. The block of prostitute-carving voters might then fall into the Dhimmis' column. [In the interest of time, the rest of this list won't include deceased people and/or non-Americans. (Sorry, Osama and/or Saddam—oh, and Jacques ChIraq.)]

Ted Kennedy. OK, he's not as liberal as the presumed AnyoneBut candidate, but he does qualify as one. Already endorsed by the Medical Examiners Union (for his helping a number of them justify their jobs), he'd probable get the votes of most of its members.

Al Gore (r.v.). Had "Bushitler" not been "selected, not elected," we'd have this raving, extremist Deaniac-like howler as our commander-in-chief right now, and the Ditzycrats themselves would be launching an ABG campaign. But since, by the sheer grace of the Almighty, we all dodged that particularly nasty bullet, the raging former VP has to do his yowling outside the halls of any real power. Still, seeing how he's an anyonebut also, such an avoidable disaster won't be completely averted until the D'rats elect select a different A'but candidate. In any event, he could again count on receiving votes from the Floridians for Buchanan contingent.

Hildabeast. [Save this for after July. -LR.]

Boston Strangler. This, of course, would be Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry (as he insisted on being called during his four-month free-firing village-burning war-crime spree in Viet Nam). He speaks fluent French, while our president speaks fluent Texan. JFQ injects Botox into his forehead; GWB wears a Stetson over his. F-boy wishes to issue UN warrants for the terrorists' arrests and try them in courts of law and give them lawyers; B-man keeps his promise to kill them and put whatever remains they have in the ground and leave their graves unmarked. Al-Qerry fights to take more and more of your money so that he and the government can have even more power over you; President Bush fights for your keeping more and more of your own money so that you yourself will have those powers which rightfully belong to you. Hanoi John was Dukakis's onetime lieutenant governor and is currently a lowly junior senator from the gayest state in America; George W. Bush was Texas' twice-elected governor and is now a great president of the greatest country on earth. The former is indeed an AnyoneButBush if there ever was one.

The only really noticeable thing the Demonratic Party's current anyonebut has in common with President Bush is their gender. Of course, the Bait-n-Switchocrats haven't had their convention yet. In any case, with the support of Citizens for Much Higher Taxes, the Coalition to Keep Only Criminals Armed, MorOn.org, the National Endoctrination Association, Nobrains In Our Numskulls, Algorebot's Flying-off-the-handle Circus, and other assorted Anti-war Peacenik Hippie Tree Humping Types, any anyonebut they foist on us would be lucky if she sways enough independent voters to let her carry just the District of Columbia.

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