Would keep Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry
President Bush could more than call Chairman "I've Ruled There Ain't No Mo' POWs in Vietnam
" Qerry's bluff by demanding that Hanoi John debate him every single day through Election Eve:
"The guy wants debates. I'll give him debates," the president told reporters. "Starting tomorrow, I'm going to fly Air Force One to wherever he is that day. I'll take a fully-equipped camera crew along and have our on-board alternate conference room converted into a television studio. We can debate there if he can't find a local TV station to do it in."
Asked what topics he would cover in those debates, President Bush answered, "Anything and everything
." Including al-Qerry's protests of America's liberation of South Vietnam
during the early 1970s. "The guy accused our soldiers in uniform of just being baby killers over there
. Well, I'm going hit him with hard evidence that shows just how wrong he is."
Referring to a book
that the Demagogic Party's apparent presidential nominee wrote at the time, the president asked, "Why did he use an upside-down American flag on his book's cover? With a bunch of his hippie buddies yelling in front of it? That's a signal of distress, used only in time of grave emergency - like when your nation's under direct attack from bloodthirsty terrorists. Not when you don't like our government's national security policies."
President Bush said additional topics would include the senator's f'ing tax-increase and spending-increase plans, as well as his abuse of power while chairman of the select Senate committee charged with investigating the American-POW issue. "Threatening the committee's witnesses with contempt of Congress if they continued to claim there were still G.I.s being held prisoner in Vietnam, is extreme and unconscionable. And he should apologize to our brave servicemen and women for the haughty and arrogant way he used his chairman's gavel to dismiss their heart-wrenching pleas."
Al-Qerry's campaign headquarters refused to return phone calls asking for a response to the president's demand for daily debates. Speaking on the Senate floor, Ted "Carboat" Kennedy (D-MJK), a key al-Qerry backer, ranted, "That's too many debates. Will (President Bush) debate my colleague while he's going to church, like he always does, every Sunday? Will he debate John if he attends a Red Sox game? Will he debate my friend each time he goes to the doctor's office for Botox shots? This is plain ludicrous. And it sounds like to me that it's yet another plan designed for political gain hatched at that ranch in Crawford (Texas)."
The president later told reporters on Air Force One, "I can't understand why the guy wants to back out now after taunting me for days about not wanting to debate him. Well, I'm on my way to Los Angeles to meet the senator right after he finishes his regime-change conference with Susan Sarandon. I want to know why he didn't act on a report the Massachusetts senator personally got
which showed Boston's airport had security problems. Apparently, he knew. I want to know what he knew and when he knew it. Now the question is, did he lie about knowing it?"
President Bush has ordered the United States Air Force to outfit the presidential jumbo jet with a completely functional mobile oval office so he won't lose any time fighting the world war while debating the French-looking candidate.
"Hey, don't let my turban fool ya."
- Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry
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