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Liberal Utopia

What your world would be if everything liberals wanted, they got. Open the door at the bottom of its Elysium façade and take a glimpse of hell.

You've been appeased

 

A-P-Peeeeeeeez'd on


N
ow my fellow conservatives and I know exactly how ninety percent of all black American voters feel. Except it's the Republicans McDemocains in our Tedboat al-Qennedy's Senate who're taking us for granted, not the Delibberats.

I propose an even better sellout compromise on the Amnesty1986® 2.0 issue. Instead of a Path to Citizenship™ for longstanding repeat offenders, how about a Twenty-Lane Highway to it? Or even a Non-Connecting International Flight? It would work something like this:

You're an illegal, unvaccinated invader undocumented soft fluffy bunnyworker who's been hard at work sponging off contributing to America's wealth. You need a Free Pass/Stay Off the Deportation Bus Feinstein-Fuschia Card so you can legally continue such contributing. However, having to go walk into an Immigration and Customs "Enforcement" office to get one would make you feel like a second-class citizen (no literalness intended). We can't have any of that because it would be too racist. So we'll just set up all along the border at 100-yard intervals a whole series of bubble gum machines with the fuschia cards placed right in them. Now don't think you can just get this free pass card for free. You'll have to pay The Fine™. In this case either a U.S. or Mexican quarter, which you'll have to insert into the machine in order to get your card. Also, to prevent fraud or falsifying of documents, you must keep this card inside your underwear (if any) at all times so there'll always be an ample biometric sample on it.

That takes care of the Home Invader Guest Worker feature of our Amnesty1986® 2.0 program. What about protecting the borders, you ask? Well, I've got a copout compromise for that too:

The word here is Enforcement, with a capital N. (You know, "n" like in "not" or "nifeintheback" or "nownewamnesty"— that is, "knowknewamnesty"— I mean "nonuamnesty"— er..."nonamnesty." Yeah, "nonamnesty." That's it.) Now, we could have 50,000 National Guard troops repelling the invaders asking to see your fuschia card, but they aren't trained for that. Besides, they're too busy doing the completely precedented job of actually stopping terrorists and potential threats dead in their tracks at the border of practically every other country except America. What makes anyone think they could do that same job here? Logic, people. Logic. No, we're going to do something that's really effective. We're going to contract the Mexican army to come across our border and enter California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas, and stop anyone who isn't in the Mexican army from doing the same thing. We'll write in that contract a Strong™ anti-bribetaking clause, so neither you nor anyone else will be able to get around them by buying them off. So there.

This plan makes more sense than hiring a bunch of additional Border Patrol agents. First off, Mexican troops already speak the language of your fellow invaders and occupiers hardworking undocumented contributors to our society, so we won't have to give anyone Spanish lessons. Second, it'll be less costly for the U.S. taxpayer because we'll be able to get away with paying them much less than the minimum wage. Plus we won't have to bother with any of that Social Security, Medicare, and OSHA paperwork mess. Finally, there's the element-of-surprise factor. Any tuberculosis carrier undocumented contributor who enters the United Stated undocumentedly will see nothing but Mexican soldiers. They'll believe they're still in Mexico and will become disoriented and confused. As a result, they'll go back and tell their families that there is no United States up north and that they might as well all stay home. See? I mean, ? Us American actual taxpayers will save a lot of money and paperwork. We'll no longer see any foreign international worker who hasn't arrived here legally. We'll really believe that's rain rolling down our backs.

Last and not most, I propose that we Crack Down Hard® on businesses that unlawfully hire anyone who isn't a citizen, a documented alien, or an amnestied remitter guest worker. They too will be required to pay The Fine™, depending on how many such persons they've hired. If one ever gets caught hiring 12,000 illegals decent, hardworking obeyers of Mexican laws only, that business will be fined a total of $3,000. You may not think that's a lot of money for a business that's making millions off exploiting people cheating the system paying inordinately reduced labor costs. But trust me. Not only is that shadow you see darkening the puddle really being cast by a rain cloud, but just think feel. A couple of thousand here, a couple of thousand there — that can quickly add up to some pretty hefty fines!

Now isn't this Amnesty1986® Second Edition program a better download than what the McDemocain controlled Senate released? Provided, of course, you don't live in Vermont where the snow only sometimes turns yellow.

Isn't it a great feeling being appeased like this?

Feinstein-Fuschia Card Bubble Gum Machine

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